twilight.♥

{ Describing the situation now }

9:12 PM • Saturday, December 20, 2008

I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky
I was believing in you
Was I mistaken do you say
Do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever

(Chorus)
But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

I like the way you'd hold me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you'd say my name
In the middle of the night
While you were sleeping
I was believing in you
Was I mistaken do you mean
Do you mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever

(Chorus)Well I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye(goodbye)
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

(Bridge)
You would run around and lead me on forever
While I wait at home still thinking we're together
I wanted our love to last forever
I was believing in you

(Chorus)
I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
Don't love and lie
I'd rather hear the the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
Baby don't you break my heart slow

Am I in this kind of situation? Only time will tell...

{ What kind of emotions? }

1:19 AM • Friday, December 12, 2008

I always put myself in stupid situations which I can avoid.
And yet I can't do anything about it.
I thought it would be simple enough to just let it unfold itself.
But at the back of my mind, I couldn't accept the truth.

What the hell am I doing or thinking?
Other than putting on a front, making sure I look fine to people,
I don't think I can do anything else anymore.
I feel like giving up, yet I cannot bear to.

Looks like I've always been stationary in the night room.
My shadow, accompanied with my voice, is my only solace.

{ Happy or sad or neutral? }

11:05 AM • Thursday, December 11, 2008

How should I feel?
Am I doing the right thing?
Or should I say
Am I doing the wrong thing?
Can I control my emotions?
Am I up for the game?
It's been sometime since I've felt like this.

I try hard to set my emotions right.
I put up a facade to deceive myself.
The usual smiling Phil isn't who he seems to be.
Maybe I shouldn't have started it.
But I did.
And now I have to take whatever that hits me.
Should I contradict myself and break what I swore?

{ Moments of Happiness }

1:13 AM • Monday, December 08, 2008

Will the moments be brief?
This is the first time it has happened.
Should I break what I swore?
It has already happened.

It's only the beginning.
I am already into it.
Does it mean something if it's the first time?
Have to go through another phase again.

People say I shouldn't put too much into it.
But I say give it your all while you still can.
They replied with: You'll hurt yourself.
Hurt myself?

Worth it or not, at least I'll try.
If it doesn't work out, I'll just have to move on.
For now, just live through the happy moments.
And keep an eye closed to whatever bad that may come.

{ Moments of Truth }

12:55 AM • Friday, December 05, 2008

I was looking at Idols' profiles and I am really envious of what they have achieved. Hmmm when will my time come? Or will it even come at all? It is so difficult to hit it big in Singapore. Sigh. What's up with putting more emphasis on the arts scene man. No difference at all.

Looking back at what I've achieved... Hmm let's see... when I was in sec 1, I was in band. I was from the trumpet section before I got transfered to the euphonium section. At that time, lunchtime mini concerts were held during breaks and I took part in it. I remembered.. I did a duet with my friend and I sang solo after that. It was "I need you tonight" by Backstreet Boys. Haha gosh that was like 8 years ago -.- and after I sang, the seniors from choir all came up to me and asked me to join choir instead lol. well yeah i did transfer to choir and I've been in choir ever since. Umm i think 5 years. including JC as well.

Then I took part in singing competitions in school annually from sec 1 onwards. From sec 1 to 4, I'm proud to say that I've only gotten 1st and 2nd positions and nothing lower than that. =x haha maybe it's just because the good singers don't bother themselves with this kind of singing competitions. =.= oh wells haha.

In JC, I didn't take part in any singing competitons. But I had a solo part for my choir I did for concert which gave me a good experience. And also I was one of the 4 soloists for my JC's opening ceremony which added to my experience as well.

On to NS, I took part in my formation's Idol singing competiton and I came in 2nd. haha. not bad. not bad. Then I took part in Impressario organised by NTU with my friend. We did duet but we didn't make it to semi-finals due to lack of votes from friends. Or should I say, NO votes at all cos our friends didn't go down whereas other groups had tons of friends to vote for them. My friend is from a music school and she knows one of the judges. We went to ask them about our performance and the judges said they thought we had the best connection and we would make it through the semi-finals. Too bad on the votes side. DAMN IT. Thinking about it still makes me feel a bit disappointed cos I know we could have won the duet category!!! The other groups were okay only and I know we two were the best!!! Especially since we have been singing together in choir since sec 2 to JC 1, which is like for 4 years!! Argh still pissed. lol.

Ah. How can I forget about Singapore Idol and Project Superstar. Well I didn't make it through the first round of both. And most people might find it weird (I hope so) cos I would have made it to the second round at least. But no. I didn't. Thus, at that period, I really felt lousy and felt as though I've let the whole world down, even myself too. Maybe cos I'm not goodlooking enough? Or I think I'm too good, thus the failure. I don't know. Every year, my wish would be to improve on my singing. And I think I have improved. Oh wells. Haha

Now that I'm in NTU, I told myself before that I would take part in any singing competitions if I can. I just registered for the upcoming Impressario =) Hope I can make it through without my friend this time around. Hah. I know I can at least make it through to 2nd round =/ FRIENDS pls vote for me if I ever make it through to quarter-finals cos from that round onwards, need votes from public as well =/ and I know my NTU friends won't let me down right? (HINT HINT)

But first I must not let down myself by making pass the auditions first haha. I think it's next week. No wait, its on 12 Dec haha. Damn I'm quite scared. =/

Ok I think I've typed quite a lot. Time to go to bed. Till then, I'll update about my singing stuff =) Oyasuminasai!

{ Run - Leona Lewis }

9:51 AM • Wednesday, December 03, 2008

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Anyway from here
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do
Light up...
Slower slower
We don't have time for that
I just want to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads
Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess