twilight.♥

{ Back~ }

11:56 AM • Monday, February 27, 2006

Hi peeps I'm back again, after a long silence on here haha been working for the past week from 10.30am to 9.30pm or sometimes midnight, so neevr had time at all to come on here =( damn tired. But well I can finally take a breather for a few days before i head back for work again.

This time round, Shiyun and I will be at Orchard Emerald. I don't really know where this is but heard from Chinee that the crowd won't be as much as Century Square. Thank god!! But on the other hand, this means we will be bored there? hmm...

Ahhh the results. The day everyone dreads is coming in two days time. I haven't really thought of what I'd do if the results suck. I told myself, and others, that I will have lots of time deciding what to do when I'm in NS. I admit that sounded as if I'm trying to run away from reality but don't blame me please =( I wanted to save enough money to go overseas but don't think so now because the pay in army is quite pathetic as you guys may know. Oh well take one step at a time I guess.

Yeah I bought Stacie Orrico's and Gareth Gates' CDs for only 12 bucks! And it's original besides them being published in China. =s Both CDs are awesome, so didn't feel I wasted money on them =D

Oh Meiyan asked me out today, so gonna meet her later at city hall =D damn I've to do a lot of things today, hope I can accomplish my plans today. First gotta go to Wheelock to get my time sheets signed by Stephan before going down to City Hall to meet Meiyan. I have to reach Bugis by 5 to hand in my time sheets, if not no salary =x haha oh yeah gotta go have my hair cut too. Hope Meiyan doesn't mind my tight schedule cuz I have to reach airport by 7.30pm =S

Anyways good luck to everyone for the results. See you guys this wednesday! Looking forward to see the juniors =D Till then I gotta go now tata~

{ I Wanna Run To You -- Whitney Houston }

11:14 PM • Saturday, February 18, 2006

I know that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find
A girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone
I wanna run to you (oooh)
I wanna run to you (oooh)
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you (oooh)
But if I come to you (oooh)
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away
Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me
What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
(chorus)
I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
If you only knew how much...
(chorus)

Yeah, I've read the lyrics a couple of times and I absolutely agree with these few lines the most: "What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams, without someone to share it with, tell me what does it mean?". Everyone wishes for a 'someone' to be there to share his hopes, joys, laughters, dreams, burdens and so on. Not excluding me. I only can find solace in my own shadow, because he's the only one who's been through what I've been through for all these years. Though he doesn't speak, though he doesn't show any signs of concern, I know he is listening to what I say, I know he'll always be around to catch my tears when i cry. But too bad he can't even express himself to me.

Who can I run to in times of need? The most I can do is find comfort in music and of course my shadow LOL.

So what if I tell people it's my audition tommorrow? There'll be no response anyway. Why should I even bother to go for the auditions when I can't even find someone to share it with? I'll not feel happy if I make it through tomorrow because there's no one there to share it with me. I'll feel even worse if I don't make it through because I have no shoulders to cry on. So tell me, what's the point of going right?

Whilst working in the airport, I always have the sudden urge to just board a plane and leave this place to start a new life. LOL quite dumb la, but well I'm not sure either hahaha.

Have to go sleep soon, I'll go and fight the auditions alone again for the sake of my shadow and myself. I will only say the result whoever bothers to ask. Good night sweet dreams tata~

{ Stand Up For Love }

2:01 AM • Thursday, February 16, 2006

Verse 1 (Beyonce)
There are times I find it hard to sleep at night
We are living through such troubled times
And every child that reaches out for someone to hold
For one moment they become my own
And how can I pretend that I don't know what's goin on
When every second, and every minute, under the soul is gone
Chorus
And I believe that in my life
I will see (Oh yeah)
And into hopelessness, of giving up of suffering (yeah)
Can we all stand together this one time,
Then no one will get left behind
Stand up for life
Stand up, and hear me sing
Stand up for love
Verse 2 (Kelly)
I'm inspired and hopeful each and every day
That's how I know that things are gonna change
So how can I pretend that I don't know what's going on
When every second, with every minute, under the soul is gone
Chorus
And I believe that in my life
I will see (I will see yeah, yeah)
And into hopelessness (hopelessness),
of giving up (giving up),
of suffering (yeah, yeah)
Can we all stand (stand) together this one time (time),
Then no one will get left behind
Stand up for life (life)
Stand up for love
Verse 3 (Michelle)
And it all starts right here
And it starts right now
One person stand for band
And the rest will follow
For all the forgotten
For all the one earth
I'm gonna sing this song
Chorus
And I believe that in my life I will see
And into hopelessness, of giving up, of suffering
If we all stand together this one time,
Then no one will get left behind
Stand up for life
Stand up and sing
Stand up for love, for love, for love

This song marks the end of Destiny's Child, not in a bad way, but in a good way because now each one of them has a path to tread on and whatever they do, I wish them all the best =D I'm a big fan of them ever since I heard their single 'Bills, Bills, Bills' (PS: I even bought this single!) and they are really sooooo talented, pretty, sexy, gorgeous and just MARVELLOUS. I would actually think they have so much more to offer if they are still together to produce albums. Damn, but all good things have to come to an end.

Speaking about standin up for love, Valentine's Day just passed. How was it may I ask? Nothing much for me I guess because I had no date hahaha poor me I spent my day at home alone =( lol but it was alright for me haha anyways just got news from shiyun that I'll be workin with her next monday at century square! Yayyy hehe...you guys free can feel free to come down to visit us or something =)

My audition is postponed to this sunday at HDB Hub in Toa Payoh. I have to queue up again @_@ gosh and I think I'm gonna queue up ALONE again. Oh well, blame it on me not having enough good friends I guess =( I mean who would ever want to waste their time lining up with me right? Remember the last post where I ended with a quote? I'm REALLY paying attention to that =) I'm singing Follow Me by Uncle Kracker anyways hope I can get through *cross my fingers*

Wanted to feature another song on my blog which is I wanna Run To You by Whitney Houston. I think it is from the soundtrack of 'The Bodyguard'. The song is simply sweet....and kinda sad? That's what i think, because there's this part of the lyrics which goes 'but at night, I'll come home and turn the key, there's nobody there, no one cares for me...' yeah, you get what I mean.

Gotta go sleep now, quite tired from work just now, dunno why =D aight tata good night sweet dreams to me! hehe

{ Friends }

12:53 AM • Monday, February 13, 2006

Before I go into 'Friends', I just wanna bitch about this passenger whom I talked to on the Frankfurt flight. Conversation was like this:

Me: Hi good evening Sir, do you happen to carry any wireless laptops?
Sir: (in a quite loud voice cos he had earphones on and sounded quite fierce) What do you mean by wireless laptops? Everyone has a wireless laptop, what rubbish are you asking about?
Me: (the word shocked is all over my face) Umm but I asked some passengers if they carry one, they replied no.
Sir: Really? But still you are wrong, you shouldn't ask passengers if they have a wireless laptop cuz every laptop is wireless.
Me: But if passengers do not have the wireless card/device, how are they supposed to connect to internet if you say all laptops are wireless?
Sir: You shouldn't confuse passengers by sayin wireless laptops, instead you should say 'wyfy laptops' (actually I'm absolutely not sure how to spell that, please correct me on tag thanks =D)
Me: Anyway there is free 30mins internet on board. (hands the card to him)
Sir: Oh I see. (and takes the card away from me) Thanks ( he did tone down a little)
Me: You're WELCOME. (smiles at him and walks away with eyes rolling without him seein lah of cuz)

Ok that's it. How ridiculous can he get right? I was like WHAT THE FUK when he said everyone has a wireless laptop. He thinks he's so damn rich when he himself look like some filthy old CHEENA man. And pls MR, you really look fugly with your hair tied, that's why you have a blind wife(not literally).

I'm done haha and that happened around 11 plus pm when I was already quite tired.

Anyways to continue with 'Friends', I actually don't think I'm in the wrong by sendin all those smses to Gladys (content not disclosed though =D). If anyone were me, I'm VERY 100% sure that they would feel the same way I do too. Do pity me alright, I still can come up with a smile and tell them 'No i'm not angry and i'm ok, its ok one' when I've been in the hot sun ALONE for the whole afternoon. Furthermore, plus the hours in the morning walkin around cineleisure for fuk, I almost thought i could have disintegrated straightaway or my legs rather. I admit I'm being such a pus5y wus5y by typin all this in blog, but can you guys please for once know that I've always been like this? I don't go around telling people I'm not happy with them and stuff because it might hurt feelings if I really do and besides I'm not really a good speaker. So it is DEFINITELY NOT my fault that I'm here bloggin this down. This is not the only time anyway and this time around, I do not care if I sound unreasonable because I just wanna vent it all out on here. Even friends whom I just met today or a week ago, after their auditions, they walked back to the place I was lining up to wish me good luck.

I'm pretty sure those people I'm referring to about, most of them won't bother to read. Or rather they would say 'I've missed it' =) ok that's great actually, so this way it won't hurt our relationships, or is there even one to start with?

I leave you guys something to ponder about:

It's the friends you can call up at 4am that matter - Marlene Dietrich (1901-1992)

{ Bonnie Raitt - I Can't Make You Love Me }

2:44 AM • Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Turn down the lights,
turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me,
tell me no lies
Just hold me close,
don't patronize - don't patronize me
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me,
if you don't

Memories rush in, clawing upon my doors as if haunting me.
Memories still vividly exist, as if calling out to me.
Sweet ones locked away in me.
Heart-wrenching ones cling onto me.

Does that person know how I feel?
Does that person know how much I'm willing to give?
Does that person know I still wanna go back?
Does that person know I'm still waiting?

Yes, I'm at the corner waiting.
Yes, I don't show how I feel.
Yes, I'm still thinking of you every now and then.
Yes, I do wanna relive those sweet moments.

4 tough yet sweet months,
3 parties involved,
2 separate rings,
1 broken heart - mine.

{ Careless Whisper }

12:16 AM • Saturday, February 04, 2006

I feel so unsure,
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor.
As the music dies...
Something in your eyes,
Calls to mind a silver screen,
And all its sad goodbyes.
I'm never gonna dance again,
Guilty feet have got no rhythm.
Though it's easy to pretend,
I know you're not a fool.
I should have known better than to cheat a friend,
And waste a chance that I'd been given.
So I'm never gonna dance again,
The way I danced with you.
Time can never mend,
The careless whisper of a good friend.
To the heart and mind,
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth,
Pain is the all you'll find.
Tonight the music seems so loud,
I wish that we could lose this crowd.
Maybe it's better this way,
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say.
We could have been so good together,
We could have lived this dance forever...
But now, who's gonna dance with me?
Please stay.
And now it's never gonna beThat way...
Now that you're gone...
Now that you're gone...
Now that you're gone...
Was what I did so wrong?
So wrong that you had to leave me alone?

I'm listening to this song now, sooooooo niceeeee. Kinda brings back sentimental values. Another reason is because Shayne sang it before hoho =x pardon me. LOL anyways I was down with fever for last 2 days, must be the new year goodies and whatever not!!! Haha can't blame the food only can blame the eater hoho. Ok i just weighed myself and i'm 57kg -_- i'm dead. I have a more visible tummy now and Gerald SAW it ohhhh nooooo. SIGH *ahem keep composed* ok I can still be saved it's ok (self comforting).

So, what did i do for the past few days...actually nuthin much -_- lol i went down today to millenia walk for interview at shiyun's cousin's shop. The interview was just to know me better and I practically waited for shiyun to close the shop and went home together lol If everything's okay, then i'll be working on 20-26th feb then 1-19 march! =D Will be tending to pushcarts in Bugis and Century Square i suppose hoho very fun! The pay doesnt matter, as long as it enriches me hehe! Ok so i really hope i get the job successfully, and i'll be more busy soon yay!

This sunday is the quarter finals for the competition i'm in, anyone going down to jurong point to lend me your support? Heard that 10% goes to voting @_@ and that really came in late. Well, doesnt matter if you guys cant make it, or worse still, claims he/she doesnt know. I've already mentioned about it quite a few times but oh well, my blog is just for show. Bleah anyways i don't care about that, and oh oh to add on, i think only a couple of people asked me if i was okay when i was sick, i even chanegd my nick to *down with fever* but LMAOOOOO i can use one hand's fingers to count who bothered to ask. Those who asked, thank you. And mind you, of those who asked, most are not that close to me. Hoho sometimes it's really funny when I see people blog down about friends not caring about them, about valuing friendships and stuff etc etc. They themselves don't bother to do anything, so I can see why their friends treat them the same way. This is what people call 'An eye for an eye'. Haha luckily i have my sistas: Joy and Cass.

I do admit that I'm not really a good friend, as in I don't take the initiative to go ask people out and stuff. But you guys (having known me for SO many years) should know that I do care and I really wanna share the burden. Maybe i'll improve myself on that part. Till then, I don't like it when people can be sooo fake. But that's another issue aside. Haha ok what the hell am I doing bombarding all these stuff out? AHHHH I'm mad lol anyways back to the song haha I'm stil listening to it. Hmm what kinda power it has that makes me so not tired of it? Haha anyways gotta run, have night shift in 18 hours time haha sweet dreams tata later