{ Proven once again. }
Good morning everyone! Been days since i last updated haha. So i'll start by the auditions which I promised. 12:03 AM • Thursday, January 19, 2006
Yup it's proven once again that I can't sing for nuts. I don't think they will call me and tell me that I'm in. Right after I sang finish 'Swear It Again', the guy who listened straight away said 'your pronunciation is bad'. When I heard that, you can almost imagine the shock on my face. I was totally broken up inside, that meant that I can't pronounce chinese AND english. Omg I actually can't believe what I heard, it's just wasn't what I had expected. Fuk that, I'm seriously not gonna try for Singapore Idol now. I can just remain a bathroom/bedroom singer and not anything more than that. Period.
The duet with gladys however did went well and we practised only for half an hour. BUT that is different cuz the song 'Rooftop' (umm...Wu Ding)that we picked, I've been singing that since secondary school days so it was very easy. So don't fukin come and tell me that the judge don't know how to listen or what shit. Although I'm glad that we did well for duet, but those who know me certainly can't miss out the point that I am used to perform and sing alone. I want to be a solo singer but fuk yeah I can't pronounce words properly. I've been mistaken as a Shanghainese (cuz their chinese sux) and now comes along another guy who says I can't pronounce english. WTF. I don't actually need that coming at me. SERIOUSLY I DON'T.
So what are my plans now? I don't know, just waiting for my job to start so I can learn new skills. Sigh. I feel so bored and lost nowadays cuz there's nothing for me to do. Damnit sometimes it's really hard to put on a front but you just have to do it lest people might think you're attracting attention or just being crazy like saying 'Music shouldn't be your life, it should be part of your life only'. Oh pls I've fukin heard enough of that crap.
I used to have many mood swings in the past. Of cuz not in front of people, but just at home locked up in my room. And now I think I'm gonna have them soon. Not really anyone's fault or what, but I just feel...hmm...insecure of what I'm gonna go through in life (especially through the performing pathway). I really want it so badly but it's not within my strength to get it. Oh well what can I do right? I can only resign to fate and just live a life where everybody should follow (go Uni, get a decent job, start a family etc).
I'm tired of typing about all this shit now, even the thought of it makes me sick. Will appreciate it if all of you (after reading this) don't come up to me and say 'Hey please be more confident', 'u have a low self-esteem', 'u have a nice voice, dont say u dont have', 'the judges are deaf, they dunno how to listen' blahblah I've enough already la, seriously. That's not the answer I'm looking for.
Anyways, gonna sleep soon, looking forward to friday. Hope everything will be smooth sailing. Good night tata sweet dreams~
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