Life Isn't So Mean After All :)

Why do friends have to keep meeting up? (Sequel)

2010-08-05T23:48:00.003+08:00

I'm trying to put myself into the other person's shoes. The Sequel.

Oh God, why is he acting so immature? It's not like I forgot him as a friend. I am just busy with work that I barely have time for myself. Sigh. It is part of growing up. A meet up would be a bonus in the midst of a busy work schedule. I am speechless that it would affect him so much. It doesn't mean we aren't good friends anymore. We can still sms, msn, phone if we have time. Isn't it the same?

At this point, I really don't know how to continue. Maybe I've not really been through this before (there are times when I don't wanna meet the person so I just lied that I'm busy), but other than that, so far, I always wanna meet my friends whom I shared problems with and stuff. Even an hour would do. or worse come to worse. half an hour. Difficult? Yeah troublesome to travel just to meet for that amount of time. Real meaning? ---> then it doesnt seem like good friends anymore. A famous person once said: A good friend would pick up your call even if you called 4 am in the morning. Hmmmm maybe I can't do that myself cos I'd be sound asleep to hear anything.

But, that sentence is so powerful that it makes all my r/s with my good friends seem like we're just acquaintances.

Do friends need to have meet-ups?

2010-08-05T23:26:00.002+08:00

As one grows older, one would be busy with work till he/she doesn't have time to catch up with friends. In Jan, he/she meets up with friends, then 6 months hiatus, oh let's finally meet up in Aug. Hmm. Then in between? MSN, SMS. Wanna talk problems with friends? Phone, SMS, MSN. Hmm. Weird, where did that face-to-face, heart-to-heart talk go to? Culprit: Work. Not enough time. Hmm I'm thinking, maybe I'm too free. Or am I one of them too, that's why God is putting me through all this. It's not ok if we don't meet up, if there is, wow that's a bonus. Should it be this way? I can't seem to accept it yet. So does that mean I'm immature? That cos I'm only 23, I don't understand the work life of an adult. Well maybe. But all I know, time is for us to manage. It's the same as exercising. You're fat cos you make excuses not to put in time and effort to exercise. Same goes to meeting up with friends; same, no? I don't know, this is not really a post for me to blame or be pissed off or whatever. But rather, just trying to look at it from different angles. OR is there only one point of view: busy with own life = not meeting up with friends. Definition of friends to me: Friends you can connect with and share problems with and stuff. Jan, meet up, Aug, vomit out everything you've done for the past 6-7 months. Oh wow that's a lot of stuff, we should meet up again soon to update. Next meet up: 10 months later. And the cycle goes on. Hmmm I'm just puzzled and I'm definitely not ready to accept this yet. Be it when I'm working; cos I know, I'll make time out for my friends if they ask me out. Or do I not understand what's the real definition of a friend. So, a friend is all one ever needs for his whole life; wait, is there even such a person in fact, that you're close/ so close that you would always wanna meet up and share stuff. OHHH I FORGOT; that would be your partner in life already! So, there is NO FRIEND in fact that would meet up often. Not even friends you know for 10 years and counting. The only ever true friend I have in my life; The Lord above.

='( ='( ='( ='(

2010-07-10T20:45:00.001+08:00

i feel like shit.

Let me BE the 1

2010-05-14T22:25:00.002+08:00

I wanna hold you so tight;
I wanna know what you're feeling baby.
I, You may not be perfect;
But I know we are together because we embrace each other's flaws.
I don't know what I'll do without you.

Imagine me without you.

Waves and waves

2010-05-12T23:43:00.002+08:00

1.

Adrenaline rush. Ooo I love how it makes me shiver.
That's how I feel whenever I'm with you.
The touch and scent of your skin makes me fall even deeper.
Your voice is like the cure.
It soothes and heals me.

2.

Who does better in failures? The one who shows or the one who keeps?
But I would think the letters are M and E.
What about the facade?
Robots do get rusty if not oiled regularly.
The acapella sounds awesome no?
Yeah no.
I've lost the rhythm in me.

3.

Count the days when I could only see.
My eyes certainly don't come for free.
Give me light, give me hope.
But both I really can't cope.

The Devil In Me

2010-05-10T22:55:00.002+08:00

Engulfing my soul without any qualms.
Slowly, slowly, slowly. Slowly, slowly, slowly.
POP! Goes the weasel. One day. yes One Day.

Who?

2010-05-10T21:16:00.000+08:00

Where does the problem lie?

666/2

2010-05-04T16:59:00.002+08:00

Ents roam through the dark.

What becomes of the lark?

The death glory blooms at dawn.

What will be when I'm gone?

666

2010-05-04T16:46:00.002+08:00

The raven pecks my soul away bit by bit.
What use is a scarecrow?
The hyenas laugh in unison.
I'm on my rocking chair.

He tells me: Don't stop rocking.
.
..
...
....
.....

As the ravens swoop to peck at my soul again;

Back after a year's hiatus.

2010-05-03T23:19:00.002+08:00

My dog's scratching itself.
My fan's at top speed right at my face.
My ipod's charging.
But, what am I trying to say here?

Sense of emptiness.

Oh wait, come again?
As I drift away into my Night Room.

Fed Express is BACK.

2009-06-17T16:23:00.002+08:00

Anyone watched the recent French Open? Roger Federer has won his 14th Grand Slam - a record to be broken next at Wimbledon which starts on 22nd June 2009. All Fed haters agree that he won it just because Nadal was upset by Robin Soderling in the 4th round. I mean, C'mon, Roger's path to the finals ain't easy either. And if Roger has the ability to even make it through the finals, it shows that he is VERY consistent in majors unlike Nadal.

I was watching him in his match against Tommy Haas and he was on the brink of defeat. I was thinking: "Oh looks like we'll have a new French Open final instead of those two again". LOL but boy was I wrong when he saved break points and fought back to win the match. Phenomenal. In his match against Del Potro, he was like his usual self (against Tommy Haas), with that enormous fighting spirit to win the French Open which has eluded him for the past 4 years. And when I saw him fall to his knees after winning championship point, I was goddamn happy for him. He doesn't have to be No. 1 anymore since he had been No. 1 before. The next milestone for him is to break that 14 to hit 15 in Wimbledon. I have ultimate faith in him.

Strong contenders for Wimbledon, from what I see now, are Andy Murray and Andy Roddick. Sorry Nadal, but your injury will probably see you out in the same stage as French Open again. You definitely cannot defend your crown there. NO one in the men's field has that much experience as Roger when it comes to Wimbledon. Who cares if he doesn't play in Halle as a warm-up grass tournament? He still wins Wimbledon anyway, as proven in the last few Wimbledons. With style. I can't wait to watch him in action. And also see Novak Djokovic go down. He's an arrogant fool. Your days are nearing man, you are not as good as before.

Kudos to Tommy Haas, former world No. 2 player to kick Novak's ass. I think you're ready to make a comeback. Go Germans!

Ok enough about tennis. Haha.

I'm currently working in One-Caramel @ Luxe Building which is next to The Cathay. Feel free to drop by to visit me haha. And I'm through the first round of Singapore Idol 3! Cross your fingers for me as my next audition would be next thurs 25 June 2009. Finally. Finally. LIKE finally. I've never felt like my chances are this good to improve in this season of S.I 3. I completely flopped in the last two seasons and I WILL never let that happen this season. All glory to GOD for giving me the talent and allowing me to realise my yet-to-be-full potential.

Ever since I started serving the Ministry, I've felt much more confident and thanks to Ah Peh and Ah Bu (Mr and Mrs Tan) for believing in me and giving me so many opportunities for me to grow. =) God bless you two.

Oh one more thing. I have to bring at least 1 person to my next audition. =/ Max 5. Who's free to go? 930am in the morning. Damn everyone is working at that time. And I have difficulty choosing my songs as well =( My only flaw (I think) is song choice. So God give me the wisdom to be able to choose my song!

Alright, I'll sign off now. God bless everyone. AMEN. :)

What if I'm not the Hero?

2009-03-18T23:51:00.002+08:00

I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore.
I'll do whatver it takes to make you safe again.
Will you take what's left of me?
I'll always be right here beside you.

Dead and Gone

2009-02-26T13:58:00.002+08:00

Chorus:Ooooooo I ve been travelin on this road to long

Just trying to find my way back home

The old me is dead and gone… dead and gone… dead and gone

Ooooooo I ve been travelin on this road to long

Just trying to find my way back home

The old me is dead and gone… dead and gone… eeyy

Verse 1 (T.I.)

Ever had one of dem days u wish woulda stayd home

Run into a group of ni&&as getting they hate on

U walk by they get wrong u reply then sh*t get blown

Way outta proportion way past discussion

Just u against them, pick one then rush em

Figure u get your hair? that next

They don’t wanna stop there now they bussin

Now u gushin, ambulance rushin u to the hospital with a bad concussion

Plus ya hit 4 times plus it hit ya spine paralyzed waist down now ya wheel chair bound

Nevermind that now u lucky to be alive,

Just think it all started u fussin with 3 guys

Now ya pride in the way but ya pride is the way u could *uck around get shot die anyday

Ni&&as die every day all over bull sh*t dope money dice game ordinary hood sh*t

Could this be cuz of hip hop music or did the ones with the good sense not use it

Usually ni&&as don’t know what to do when their back against the wall so they just start shootin

For red or for blue or for blo I guess, from Bankhead or from your projects

No more stress, now im straight, now I get it now I take

Time to think, before I make mistakes just for my family’s sake

That part of me left yesterday the heart of me is strong today

No regrets im blessed to say the old me dead and gone away.

Chorus

Verse 2 (T.I.)I aint never been scared, I lived through tragedy

Situation coulda been dead lookin back at it

Most of that sh*t didn’t even have to happen

But u don’t think about it when u out there trappin

In apartments hangin smokin and rappin

Ni&&as start sh*t didn’t next thing ya kno we cappin

Get locked up then didn’t even get mad

Now think about damn what a life I had

Most of that sh*t look back just laugh

Some sh*t still look back just sad

Maybe my homboy still be around

Had I not hit the ni&&a in the mouth that time

I won that fight, I lost that war

I can still see my ni&&a walkin out that door

Who’da thought I’d never see Philant no more

Got enough dead homies I don’t want no more

Cost a ni&&a his job, cost me more

I’da took that ass-whoopin now for sure

Now think before I risk my life

Take them chances to get my stripe

A ni&&a put his hands on me alright

Otherwise stand there talk sh*t all night

Cuz I hit you , you sue me,I shoot you, get locked up, who me?

No more stress, now im straight, now I get it now I take

Time to think before I make mistakes just for my family’s sake

That part of me left yesterday the heart of me is strong today

No regrets im blessed to say the old me dead and gone away.

Chorus

Verse 3 (J.T.)

I turn my head to the east… I don’t see nobody by my side

I turn my head to the west… still nobody in sight

So I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call pride

The old me is dead and gone, the new me will be alright

I turn my head to the east… I don’t see nobody by my side

I turn my head to the west… still nobody in sight

So I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call pride

The old me is dead and gone, the new me will be alright

Mariah's Theme

2009-02-14T21:43:00.003+08:00

They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow
Anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me
And they can try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

CHORUS:
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me

They can do anything they want to you
If you let them in
But they won't ever win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside
See I have learned there's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul
That they cannot possess
So I won't be afraid
And darkness will fade

'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me

No
They can't take this
Precious love
I'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go

They can say anything they want to say
Try to break me down
But 1 won't face the ground
I will rise steadily
Sailing out of their reach
Oh Lord
They do try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

'Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me

I seek inspiration in Mariah's theme.

2009!

2009-01-19T21:50:00.002+08:00

OMG I just pierced my left ear! Haha.
I'm very excited to get more! HOHO.

2009. I hope it would be a great year for me, my friends and my family.

I hope that I can have inspirations to start writing again.

Moving on.. yet again...

2009-01-12T00:32:00.002+08:00

so here I am...

Moving on yet again...

What does the future have in stall for me?

I wonder...

Describing the situation now

2008-12-20T21:12:00.003+08:00

I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky
I was believing in you
Was I mistaken do you say
Do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever

(Chorus)
But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

I like the way you'd hold me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you'd say my name
In the middle of the night
While you were sleeping
I was believing in you
Was I mistaken do you mean
Do you mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever

(Chorus)Well I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye(goodbye)
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

(Bridge)
You would run around and lead me on forever
While I wait at home still thinking we're together
I wanted our love to last forever
I was believing in you

(Chorus)
I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
Don't love and lie
I'd rather hear the the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
Baby don't you break my heart slow

Am I in this kind of situation? Only time will tell...

What kind of emotions?

2008-12-12T01:19:00.002+08:00

I always put myself in stupid situations which I can avoid.
And yet I can't do anything about it.
I thought it would be simple enough to just let it unfold itself.
But at the back of my mind, I couldn't accept the truth.

What the hell am I doing or thinking?
Other than putting on a front, making sure I look fine to people,
I don't think I can do anything else anymore.
I feel like giving up, yet I cannot bear to.

Looks like I've always been stationary in the night room.
My shadow, accompanied with my voice, is my only solace.

Happy or sad or neutral?

2008-12-11T11:05:00.002+08:00

How should I feel?
Am I doing the right thing?
Or should I say
Am I doing the wrong thing?
Can I control my emotions?
Am I up for the game?
It's been sometime since I've felt like this.

I try hard to set my emotions right.
I put up a facade to deceive myself.
The usual smiling Phil isn't who he seems to be.
Maybe I shouldn't have started it.
But I did.
And now I have to take whatever that hits me.
Should I contradict myself and break what I swore?

Moments of Happiness

2008-12-08T01:13:00.002+08:00

Will the moments be brief?
This is the first time it has happened.
Should I break what I swore?
It has already happened.

It's only the beginning.
I am already into it.
Does it mean something if it's the first time?
Have to go through another phase again.

People say I shouldn't put too much into it.
But I say give it your all while you still can.
They replied with: You'll hurt yourself.
Hurt myself?

Worth it or not, at least I'll try.
If it doesn't work out, I'll just have to move on.
For now, just live through the happy moments.
And keep an eye closed to whatever bad that may come.

Moments of Truth

2008-12-05T00:55:00.002+08:00

I was looking at Idols' profiles and I am really envious of what they have achieved. Hmmm when will my time come? Or will it even come at all? It is so difficult to hit it big in Singapore. Sigh. What's up with putting more emphasis on the arts scene man. No difference at all.

Looking back at what I've achieved... Hmm let's see... when I was in sec 1, I was in band. I was from the trumpet section before I got transfered to the euphonium section. At that time, lunchtime mini concerts were held during breaks and I took part in it. I remembered.. I did a duet with my friend and I sang solo after that. It was "I need you tonight" by Backstreet Boys. Haha gosh that was like 8 years ago -.- and after I sang, the seniors from choir all came up to me and asked me to join choir instead lol. well yeah i did transfer to choir and I've been in choir ever since. Umm i think 5 years. including JC as well.

Then I took part in singing competitions in school annually from sec 1 onwards. From sec 1 to 4, I'm proud to say that I've only gotten 1st and 2nd positions and nothing lower than that. =x haha maybe it's just because the good singers don't bother themselves with this kind of singing competitions. =.= oh wells haha.

In JC, I didn't take part in any singing competitons. But I had a solo part for my choir I did for concert which gave me a good experience. And also I was one of the 4 soloists for my JC's opening ceremony which added to my experience as well.

On to NS, I took part in my formation's Idol singing competiton and I came in 2nd. haha. not bad. not bad. Then I took part in Impressario organised by NTU with my friend. We did duet but we didn't make it to semi-finals due to lack of votes from friends. Or should I say, NO votes at all cos our friends didn't go down whereas other groups had tons of friends to vote for them. My friend is from a music school and she knows one of the judges. We went to ask them about our performance and the judges said they thought we had the best connection and we would make it through the semi-finals. Too bad on the votes side. DAMN IT. Thinking about it still makes me feel a bit disappointed cos I know we could have won the duet category!!! The other groups were okay only and I know we two were the best!!! Especially since we have been singing together in choir since sec 2 to JC 1, which is like for 4 years!! Argh still pissed. lol.

Ah. How can I forget about Singapore Idol and Project Superstar. Well I didn't make it through the first round of both. And most people might find it weird (I hope so) cos I would have made it to the second round at least. But no. I didn't. Thus, at that period, I really felt lousy and felt as though I've let the whole world down, even myself too. Maybe cos I'm not goodlooking enough? Or I think I'm too good, thus the failure. I don't know. Every year, my wish would be to improve on my singing. And I think I have improved. Oh wells. Haha

Now that I'm in NTU, I told myself before that I would take part in any singing competitions if I can. I just registered for the upcoming Impressario =) Hope I can make it through without my friend this time around. Hah. I know I can at least make it through to 2nd round =/ FRIENDS pls vote for me if I ever make it through to quarter-finals cos from that round onwards, need votes from public as well =/ and I know my NTU friends won't let me down right? (HINT HINT)

But first I must not let down myself by making pass the auditions first haha. I think it's next week. No wait, its on 12 Dec haha. Damn I'm quite scared. =/

Ok I think I've typed quite a lot. Time to go to bed. Till then, I'll update about my singing stuff =) Oyasuminasai!

Run - Leona Lewis

2008-12-03T09:51:00.000+08:00

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Anyway from here
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do
Light up...
Slower slower
We don't have time for that
I just want to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads
Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Remember Me This Way - Jordan Hill

2008-10-27T21:37:00.001+08:00

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found
I know you can't stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
Forever more a part of me, you're everywhere
I'll always care

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side and all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

This song is dedicated to all my close/once close to me friends.

Disappointed

2008-10-27T21:11:00.005+08:00

I chatted with my friend. I knew him since Sec 2. He was my best buddy. However, I was the one who didn't keep in contact after I moved on to JC. Time flies. I feel really disappointed. I didn't give him anything for his bdays. But he got me cards and presents. I am ashamed.

I told him that I missed the times we talked heart to heart. He said it seemed we've gone worlds apart and that we've grown up already. I was pretty shocked by his answer. But, I thought again and yeah of course it's natural that we would have drifted apart if not for me not keeping in contact.

Sometimes I wonder, if my close friends do not keep in contact with me now, would I go all the way out to contact them? Usually, I wouldn't. But, I think I have to do it all the time now because once gone is gone. And I lost a very very good friend just because I moved on and he accepted it. He saw me a few times too but he didn't go forward to say hi. That says a lot. I'm meeting him soon to catch up though. Hope everything turns out well. Just wanna say I'm sorry. Doesn't help much but I'll still say it.

Yup, it's too late to regret all this. The feeling's not so good in me. But I'll try my utmost best to meet my best friends often even when they don't ask me out lest I regret when they are gone.

I want my best friends to know that I love them and thank them for everything they've done for me.

God bless my friends.

Breaking Free

2008-09-21T23:57:00.002+08:00

Do I feel that I've freed myself?
I still have qualms about it.

......5th day in the Night Room

2008-09-12T23:18:00.002+08:00

I got the message from outside
Telling me not to wait anymore
And so once again I move to hide
When I thought I was near to the door

Maybe it was really just one-sided
I'm always the naive one
That I couldn't see the obvious answer
And wait till I'm in deep enough to be hurt

For now it's back to square one again
I am spending the 5th day in my night room.

2nd day in the Night Room

2008-09-09T21:55:00.002+08:00

Another day has gone past
Time seems to pass so fast
I stand alone in the room
Gonna break down soon
Can anyone who's outside
Be my ultimate guide

And yet once again
I try to hide all my pain
As I smile in the dark
Like a happy lark
With this, I stand with eyes closed
While the nightmares rose

The Night Room is coming back

2008-09-08T00:06:00.002+08:00

It's becoming dark and cold
As everything starts to unfold
I am back to square one again
Tears fall down like rain
History repeats itself once more
My eyes are indeed sore

Is there no other way out
The rest of the doors are all shut
I stand there alone
Shivering to the bone
Waiting for the right one to come
While I remain there being dumb

Placing the FOCUS differently

2008-09-07T13:43:00.002+08:00

So do I have the inspiration to write down stuff? Yes and no. Partly because I don't know what to write and yet I know there's something which is inside me waiting to be expressed. I am feeling very vulnerable now. Projects, homeworks, exams, degree, diploma, main comm, people. I have too many things on hand that I really don't know how to do about doing it. I am very very tired. Yet somehow I am not talking to my close friends about it. The only person in mind I wanna talk to is someone who I'm gonna love. But so far. Nothing is really happening. Maybe I'm just afraid of loneliness and want a companion that's all.

It's hard to get over certain stuff. I'm easily shaken. It's so confusing. I can't find the way back to myself. I am just going through the motion again and again everyday, not knowing what to expect from myself and from others.

A or B. Lol. It might not even happen at all. I am not strong as before. I feel really lousy. I can't be a good Ami at all to anyone. Je suis vraiment triste.

Dieu, s'il vous plaît m'aider.

Playing my game

2008-08-22T21:06:00.004+08:00

It's like a cat chasing THE mouse around.

THE poor mouse has nothing to defend itself.

It tries hard to find holes to hide.

But alas, a cat gets in the way too often.

The mouse must be madly frightened.

Who's there to be its saviour?

When times are tough to handle

It just has to resign to its fate.

It's been a while...

2008-08-14T00:48:00.002+08:00

Oh my... Haven't blogged for ages... I'm just plain lazy...

Anyways, just an update: I've started school and everything is going fine I guess. Just a bit stressed because I'm taking another diploma concurrently as well. =s Tell me I'm crazy. LOL

I don't know why I'm updating my blog tonight. But well there has to be some reason which will make me do it right? Only God knows why I guess xD

I haven't penned down anything for a while now. No inspirations? I don't know. Guess I need to go through another emotional ride before I can write? Ahhh no, I hate to go through that. Argh.

Need to start writing down somthing...

I think I'll go to bed instead. No inspirations for now. HAHA.

CIAO!

Busy Week

2008-05-25T23:48:00.002+08:00

Hey all, I'm back from Batam! It's soooo fun and shiok! Had 2 full body massages and 1 foot massage! Woahh bought a couple of stuff as well. My friends and I wanted to go for water sports but it was raining =(( sadded. Wanted to get a bit tanned but I didn't think so =/ Hee. i don't mind going back again! It's fun there!

Started my new job at AMEX. I think it's fun too but tiring. =/ And it's quite far for me too =( wake up at 6.30am every morning -.- Shan't say anything much about my job scope cuz it's admin.

Oh my classmate's friend opened a pub recently and she's looking for singers. I'm supposed to go for audition last thurs but I wasn't free and I couldn't practise enough because it was kinda last min as well. Hope she can gimme another chance for audition =( I really wanna get that job, if possible.

Anyways, I better go to bed early, it's late and I'm quite tired also haha. Tmr's gonna be a long day. Work, have class at night later. But prolly gonna skip to do project! Lol. No choice =x Project due this wed. Sian........!!!

Goodnights all =)

Peace out.

Yes I got a job...

2008-05-18T22:57:00.002+08:00

Ah finally. I got a job. The pay's not that fantastic but just gotta take it haha. Oh wells. Looking forward to this friday's trip to Batam! Hope everything turns out fine =x hehe.

Now I'm listening to 80s rock, I think it's the 80s rock, correct me if I'm wrong haha. This band called Hearts. Heard of them? You might know them by their song 'Alone' I guess. They have songs like 'Crazy on You', 'What About Love', 'All I Wanna do is Make Love to You' etc. All very nice songs!!!

Hmm.. *starts wondering to myself* am I old? Or have I been hanging around older people than me too much? =x wait, no offence here. Just some thoughts. =x I was just thinking if I should hang around younger people than me lol. Oh wells see how it goes. Although I love hanging around older people =P Haha.

It's been some time since I penned down some poems of my own. I was reading through my previous posts, especially during the earlier period. I am seriously, utterly, amazed by myself. =/ Dead serious. I could actually write all those down. I think I should keep them somewhere in my personal file and look back at it every once and again to remind myself of it haha.

Oh I'm been wanting to complete something which I wrote after I watched umm.. I forgot the movie's title but it's something something wonderful emporium lol. It's a magical toy shop. So here goes...

He dies. That's what she learnt today.
Time flies. As what most people would say.
She sighed. As he was leaving.
She cried. It was difficult accepting.
If only she could see how he lived.
He told her. Life is how we weave.
She stood there. Filled with doubt.
He stood there. Hated to see her pout.

Yeah, I got stuck there. Don't know why lol. Hmm has anyone watched the movie and still remembers how the story goes? Maybe you guys can help give me some ideas for me to complete whatever I've wrote.

I'll stop here for now. Not sure if I wanna continue typing. Cause if I do, I think i'll have lots to type after reading my previous posts. Sigh. Oh wells, gotta tell myself to look ahead. Till then, have a good night =))

Will I finally work?

2008-05-15T22:28:00.002+08:00

I was sleeping in the afternoon when someone from Kelly Services called. If nothing goes wrong ( i hope not), I can start work on next tuesday doing some admin stuff in American Express! Oh well, the pay is as average as it gets but I can't be too picky anymore. =/

I've been listening to Carrie Underwood's songs. She is really really good. I wanna buy both her albums now lol. Oh and Jesse McCartney's Leavin' is really catchy as well. Good single from him. Last but not least, one of my favourite male singers, Gavin Degraw, he's back with I'm in Love With a Girl. Been listening to that as well xD I'll buy both their albums as well.

Ohh do you know that Justine Henin is retiring from tennis immediately? That is really shocking! She is the current world no. 1 now but she had a rough season this year. Still, I hope that this would just be a short break for her because she's comparable to Roger Federer! On the other hand, Roger Federer seems to be average now. Till now, he has only won 1 title and that is rare for him. Hope he can find his form back too. I really don't like Novak Djokovic lol. And of course my FAVOURITE Maria Sharapova will be taking the no. 1 spot next week I guess. Yay!

Sian. I know I have to do my assignments but I just am not motivated. HOW?! Someone help me =/ NO MONEY LE. I just lost 40 bucks to my mum in mahjong lmao. Sian. Thought can win some haha. So far this is my first loss after so many consecutive wins =.= oh wells I can't always win it all. Like Roger Federer. Haha

I'm so bored. Guess I'll just end it here. Nights all xD

It's been a while...

2008-05-14T17:25:00.002+08:00

Ok so here goes. Straight to the point. I'm currently doing a part time diploma in Mass Communication. I ORD-ed recently and i'm just bumming around at home. I'm seriously broke. I'm going to Batam on 23, 24, 25 May. I'm going to Phuket on 20 - 24 July. Haha. And umm no more relationship already. I just learned a couple of new duet songs. I want to look better =x And i'm becoming very lazy now. Ok that's all for now xD

Sian

2007-11-11T12:24:00.000+08:00

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes

Chorus

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

-----------------------------------------------

You took your coat off and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that
I watched from my window
Always felt I was outside looking in on you
You were always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You were always brilliant in morning
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee
You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar
You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself
These foolish games are tearing me apart
You're tearing me, tearing me, tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You took off your coat and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that

First song is 'Amazed' by Lonestar. Trademark has done a cover of it before but it totally sucked. This country/pop original version is much lighter and has more meaning to it. You can feel it from the lead singer's voice. But anyway it's hard for me to describe it with words. Up to you to have your own feel towards it =D

Second song is 'Foolish Games" by Jewel. Some may beg to differ but I think this is the best song from her. I've posted the lyrics before but I'm afraid some of you didn't see it, so I'm re-posting this beautiful song up again =D

9 more days and it's 5 more months.

Just looking forward to Christmas. AND hope that the crisis will be over soon. Sigh.

2007-11-04T23:14:00.000+08:00

Now's the time of the night again. I feel suppressed. 5 months plus left. Seems like eternity. Can somebody give me the strength to carry on? I feel like crying almost every night. Why hasn't it evolved into suicidal thoughts yet. Can I just release everything inside me? The feeling sucks. Fucking NS.

HAIRSPRAY

2007-09-06T23:13:00.000+08:00

ok. I must declare something: HAIRSPRAY IS SOOOOOOOOO COOOOOL!!!

I definitely love all the songs, but now I feel like posting the lyrics for this particular song

There's a light
In the darkness
Though the night Is black as my skin
There's a light
Burning bright
Showing me the way
But i know where i've been
There's a cry
In the distance
It's a voice
That comes from deep within
There's a cry
Asking why I pray the answer's up ahead
'Cause i know where i've been
There's a road
We've been travelin'
Lost so many on the way
But the riches
Will be plenty
Worth the price we
Had to pay
There's a dream
In the future
There's a struggle
We have yet to win
And there's pride In my heart
'Cause i know Where i'm going
And i know where i've been
There's a road We must travel
There's a promise We must make
'Cause the riches Will be plenty
Worth the risk And chances that we take
There's a dream
In the future
There's a struggle
We have yet to win
Use that pride In our hearts
To lift us up To tomorrow '
Cause just to sit still
Would be a sin
I know it, i know it I know where i'm going
And lord knows i know..
Where i've been
Oh! When we win, I'll give thanks to my god
'Cause i know where i've been

And that's Motormouth's (played by Queen Latifah) I know Where I've Been.

HAPPPPIIEEEE

2007-07-29T22:41:00.001+08:00

WOAH I really really enjoyed my birthday celebration this year hehe. Chalet at sentosa was the bang! The scenery was niceee! My window faced the swimming pool. But I never really opened the windows much hahaha.

I played the Go kart! But I didn't dare sit the thing up, so I walked up instead. hahaah coward me but i really scared of heights ok! Anyway the Go-kart was quite fun! I didn't dare to go too fast lest I throw myself out! hahah after that I went to see 'Songs of The Sea' on the first night!! Very nice!! And the price is reasonable!! Haha. Oh be sure to go apply for your Sentosa Islander card because you can enjoy many discoutns and benefits!! Haha for this case, one ticket for 'Songs of the Sea' is only 4 bucks when the original is 6! And the Go-kart also got discount! i forgot how much =x Hehe. Got fireworks at the end somemore!

The next day, I went to the Underwater World!! SOO FUNN AND NICE AND BEAUTIFUL!! The fishes were sooo cute. Got crabs, turtles, jellyfishes, sharks and stingrays!! There is this touching pool where everyone can touch the stingrays and other fishes! Got starfish also!! One of the kind staff taught me how to hold the starfish and i took pictures with it!! Hehe. The stingrays are very very very cute!! As they swim past, they''ll 'flap' one of their wings and hit the side glass, making the water splash out! Haha one of them super active man, keep splasing water out! hahah cute cute. They thought we gonna feed them, so some of them also poked their head out and I saw their mouths opening! Gross!! Hahah it freaked a few of us out hahah damn funny man. Then got sharks also! And the fishies there are really big man. The cutest one i saw were the angel like thingies. Forgot what's their name. But they are jellyfishes. Haha. Got Dugong also!!!!! So cute!! I saw him eating hahaha my friend said the Dugong looked dumb when i said it had a friendly face -.- hahah will show you all pics when i got them. just ask for them =D
oh, the ticket to underwater world is quite ex =x i got mine for 17+ bucks cuz got discount. =x but it also consist of admission to Dolphin Lagoon!! AND THE DOLPHINS ARE DAMN CUTE CAN! Pink dolphins! Took pictures of them performing! A lot of people went to see. I wished they'd have picked me as one of their 3 volunteers to get close to the dolphins! The dolphins kissed them can!! So nice lo. They're really fun and friendly to humans! They also waved goodbye to us!! AHhhhhhh cute cute. MUACKS the dolphins ^^

Yeah and the day was over =x It was fast, but i really enjoyed my stay in Sentosa =D The next day, after checking out from Sentosa, i went home rest a while before going out for kTV in the afternoon hahaha havoc man! sang till 7 then my friends came over my house for steamboat and we finished everything up clean! then they stayed to play mahjong! haha i was very very lucky. i dont wanna win them but i also got the winning tile myself!! hahaha and when i thought i dont have any chances of winning cuz its only 1 tile left, i got the last tile!! hahahah yeah loved my bday celebration this year! definitely rocked my socks!! WOoHOO. Hope i'll have this kinda celebration every year ^^

Well i'll stop here for now =) Will update more soon =DD Happy Happy!! BUT of cuz when it comes to work, its one whole different thing. GOtta look at those faces again. Just the thought of it spoils my mood already SIANZ. ARGH FUCK. 9 more mths of torture and misery. SOMEONE HELP ME!

There's gotta be more to life

2007-07-22T22:36:00.000+08:00

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go
[Chorus]
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure...
there's gotta be more
Than wanting more
I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing
[repeat chorus]
i'm wanting more
I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....
[repeat chorus x2]

Please let it end quickly. 2 years of misery. It's like being locked up in a cage. No freedom. Being treated like dogs. There are so many things I wanna do when I'm out of jail. Working in the society again. Pick up my books and study again. Work hard and earn millions so that if I get called back for reservice, they'll need to f u c king pay me the money I've lost for that period as though every second meant hundreds, thousands or even more. F u c king pissed with the system. Why isn't anything been done to it. On the surface, everything looks great. In actual fact, it is rotten deep inside. A rotten apple has worms infested in it. A 'oh-so-good-' system has rotten people infested in it.

I am sharing the woes of every other individual. God bless us =) May there be light soon.

Here I am

2007-07-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

Woo yet another delayed post. Hee I'm very happy because I got a brand NEW handphone as my birthday present! YEAH. And I'm looking forward to the chalet at Sentosa to celebrate my birthday as well! Hoho. Gonna be end of July soon, which means, 9 more months of NS! Oh god,
that seems such a BIG number. I really can't wait for it to get by ASAP.

Well I still feel moody and stuff. All thanks to NS. Seriously, it's damn hard to do it well especially if the atmosphere forbids it. Ah. It's just so hard to stay positive all the time. I am determined to change my citizenship!

Hmm, in my mind, I've been thinking about the future. What the future holds for me. I can't seem to picture it though. Is it because of what I wanna be? I will not give up on my dreams even though it may seem bleak and when the going gets tough, I know I can fall back on my friends.

Well that's all for now. Don't really have the mood to blog anything especially after mentioning NS. The dreadful oh-it-seems-so-long hours in office. Arghhhhhhhhhhh. I am looking forward to a long term MC (In my dreams).

Wahhh

2007-06-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

Omg. It's been a long time since I last updated. I'm just plain lazy. Well there are some things which are better to be kept private eh :) Ohhhhhh I got offered English in NTU and yeah that's the only course I can get my butt into. Bah. That means I have to bury my head into books for the next 4 years hoho. Hmmm, hope my interest in writing brings me somewhere =/

I sort of feel sad today because today meant something but yet I couldn't enjoy it. Well, it's okay because something cropped up and no one can do anything about it anyway. Just that tinge of disappointment that's all. But I'm okay now I guess =) looking forward to a few days after today.

About today. For the past month, it has been warm and fuzzy. Nice =) I don't regret it. Who cares about what other people think. As long as I'm happy about it, nothing matters. Many more warm and fuzzy months to come!

Ever since November 2005, it has been one hell of a ride for me. I've been traumatised to feel anything. I feel insecure about everything. Takes a lot to break into me. 1 gone. 1 disappointed. Until the time came. At that point of time, it seemed unreal. I could only sit there thinking: Should I or should I not? I really didn't want to deliver any more disappointments. I kept thinking about it even though I made my choice. I kept sighing away every night. I was kept from the truth till I found out myself. But all that didn't matter because it's true. I can feel it. Sense it. Almost taste it. I don't want it to end. As time goes by, the feeling became stronger. And it feels as if I cannot detach myself from it anymore. If I am, I'd really fall into depression. Get wounded even deeper. And I will not believe in anything anymore. Period. I don't want all this to end. I'm serious. People tell me not to get too involved lest I get hurt. It always end up otherwise. So, please do not let it end.

Bah, getting too emo already. Can't help it due to the blow I had. I am really really afraid. I need reassurance. Those who don't know me will need to know me better. I'm not the kind who is always happy and laughing all the time. That's because I need to be like that. Anyways, the past posts all contain similar contents. So, nothing fresh again.

Gotta go sleep now. Free my mind of everything. I hope Josh doesn't come back again. He's a meanie -.-

..

2007-04-27T01:46:00.000+08:00

THIS IS GETTING SUCKIER. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE. ME. die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die. SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH. I WILL GO MAD. TRUST ME.

!@#$%^

2007-03-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

My funny Valentine, sweet comic Valentine, you make me smile with my heart. Your looks are laughable, unphotographable. Yet, you´re my fav´rite work of art. Is your figure less than Greek? Is your mouth a little weak? When you open it to speak, are you smart? But don´t change on hair for me, not if you care for me. Stay little Valentine, stay! Each day is Valentine´s day. Is your figure less than Greek? Is your mouth a little weak? When you open it to speak, are you smart? But please, don´t change on hair for me, not if you care for me. Stay little Valentine, stay ! Each day is Valentine´s day.

I, I who have nothing I, I who have no one Adore you and want you so I'm just a no one with nothing to give you but, oh I love you He, he buys you diamonds Bright, sparkling diamonds But, believe me, dear, when I say That he can give you the world but he'll never love the wayI love you He can take you any place he wants To fancy clubs and restaurants But I can only watch you with My nose pressed up against the window pane I, I who have nothing I, I who have no one Must watch you go dancing by Wrapped in the arms of somebody else when, darling, it's I Who loves you I love you I love you I love you

First is My Funny Valentine and second is I (Who Have Nothing). When I first heard these two songs on American Idol, I was totally impressed by Melinda Doolittle and Jordin Sparks. God I was like: I had to get my hands on these songs. And yeah I did. Though these songs are old, they are currently my favourite. Notice the lyrics are not that long, yet it contains a deep meaning.

Though I haven't updated for a month, I don't know what to type here. Guess I have no interest to update anymore. ****ing NS sucks like hell. Time passes so slowly. The thought of going back to work everyday sucks. Don't think just because I'm a clerk, I can't have these thoughts ok.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Why. Time to summon Josh out again. Like he can help me at all. But better than nothing.

2007-02-20T22:22:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year everyone. Hope you guys enjoyed your holidays. I did. =) But it's time to go back to reality again - NS. Sigh. Maybe Joy (not my sista) was right, I should be fine when I get out of army. But then again, that's not entirely it, there are other stuff as well. Josh has not been out for a week. Thanks to Maplestory lol. Made some friends there recently because I joined a guild. Most of the members are 20 and above. Nice people.

Have not been listening to songs; have not been downloading the latest songs; have not been doing anything much besides Maplestory and tuition. Will my life be like this for another year? I dare not even think about it. I just want it to get it over.

I really don't know what to type here. Goes to show how blank my mind is every week because most of my posts are just nothing but... you get the point. I really wish I get knocked down by a car so that I can stay at home for months.

I wanna be normal. I wanna go play a sport without worrying about anything. I love to play sports. I don't ever think I would be in choir if I am what i am. I would join basketball and track and field. I still miss hockey. I wanna play tennis.

Lol. What's the use of saying all this. As if I can have them all. Not in this life. I hope so in my next life. Life has been mean to me, it better repay me in my next life. Make me popular; make me hot; make me smart; make me a guy which every girl/guy/parent/friend want.

I am a coward. I just coop up in my room and log on here to type all this. I just can't be what I am now when I'm outside. I can swear that would be very scary. I really hope I can be though. It's so tiring to not be the 'me' now when I'm outside. And I don't freaking care if you think everyone has problems. This is my blog and I type anything I want. I LIKE to think my problems are the worst. That doesn't make a difference anyway. If only there's one person who can gimme the attention.

That would only be Josh. Time to summon him out now. Ta~

Heroes

2007-02-05T22:44:00.000+08:00

I am so high, I can hear heaven
I am so high, I can hear heaven
Whoa, but heaven...no, heaven don't hear me

And they say
That a hero could save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away

Someone told me
Love would all save us
But, how can that be
Look what love gave us

A world full of killing
And blood spilling
That world never came

And they say
That a hero could save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away

Now that the world isn't ending
It's love that I'm sending to you
It isn't the love of a hero
And that's why I fear it won't do

And they say
That a hero could save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away

[Repeat 3x]
And they're watching us
They're watching us
As we all fly away

That's Hero by Chad Kroeger feat. Josey Scott, taken from the Spiderman soundtrack if I didn't remember wrongly. Lately, I've been watching this new TV serial called Heroes. And I downloaded the series, now it stopped at episode 13. Can't wait till the new downloads come! It'll only be episode 2 this coming wednesday haha. =x

Now what's the definition of a Hero? You tell me. Must it be someone with special powers? I'd love to agree with that, but a hero can be within you as well. Ok, but for now, I'd prefer to keep to the context of a hero having super powers. Hmm I'd love to be telekinetic. Oh and spontaneous regeneration as well. 'Save the cheerleader, Save the world' Haha I'm no cheerleader, just some bathroom singer =D
I wish to be someone special, someone who can make a difference to the world, someone who has the gift of excellence blah blah blah. Cliche, but who doesn't? There are some people who wishes to be normal. I don't.

Not in the sense of being who I am and it's even MORE not in the sense of having my condition. Sounds kinda crazy but I put a paper clip in front of me on the desk in my office and I tried to move it. Not with my hands, but with my mind. Of course it didn't work. Just something to keep me entertained. Doesn't hurt to try it anyway, who knows it might work -_-

It's certainly been a long time since I last updated. What can I say? Usual stuff. Tuitions and more tuitions. I'm beginning to feel my life is a bit mundane. I don't have to do all this and I really don't know what's my aim in doing so. Sometimes I feel as though I transform into another person at night. Just like Niki Sanders from Heroes. Split personality - but with superhuman strength. Of course I lack the latter.

Only two people know what I occasionally do when I'm either depressed/stressed/whatever. I still haven't stopped it yet. it's kinda hard to. that's why my forehead always look red? -_-

And those two people. One I've known for only a few months but not in contact anymore. The other I've known for only a year. Lol, weird.

The thing is, I only keep my other half till night comes. It just forces out of its own. I can't stop it. He says I'm weak and so he inputs more negative thoughts in me. He drains my energy slowly till I fall asleep and the next day I'm back to myself again. Good thing is, He's not like Niki, who's other half called Jessica, hurts people who hurts Niki. Jessica is her sister by the way, but she died. Oh I realised 'he' doesn't have a name -_- Let's call him.. Josh. The name just suddenly floated in my mind. God, I think he told me his name or something =_-

Ok I think I shall stop for now. Thepost is getting a bit long and draggy. Will continue tomorrow. Till then. Good night.

!@#$%

2007-01-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

The blog is getting dead. Not that I'm lazy to update, it's just there's nothing for me to write at all. Even if there is, it would still be the same old thing over and over again. I want to pull myself out, but at the same time, I just want something to happen, such that I don't need to do anything at all.

I'm standing here alone
Because I've no one to lean on
I don't know which way to go
Bacause everything seems blurry
Is it any wonder now
How I managed to hold on
You might think I'm crazy
But I'm just living the true me
How I wish everything is just a dream
So that reality is not what it seems

Looking for someone to guide
Trying to figure out inside
I can run but can't hide
Don't know what else to feel inside
I'm going out of my mind
Trying to leave it all behind

Now, Wanna share this song: I Cry - Shayne Ward

You said goodbye
I fell apart
I fell from all we had
To I never knew
I needed you so bad

You need to let things go
I know, you told me so
I've been through hell
To break the spell

Why did I ever let you slip away
Can't stand another day without you
Without the feeling
I once knew

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
I cry
Cause you're not here with me
I cry
Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

If you could see me now
You would know just how
How hard I try
Not to wonder why

I wish I could believe in something new
Oh please somebody tell me it's not true (oh girl)
I'll never be over you

Why did I ever let you slip away
Can't stand another day without you
Without the feeling
I once knew

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
I cry
Cause you're not here with me
I cry
Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

If I could have you back tomorrow
If I could lose the pain and sorrow
I would do just anything
To make you see
You still love me

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
I cry
Cause you're not here with me
I cry
Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

High School Musical

2007-01-01T23:45:00.000+08:00

Start Of Something New

Living in my own world
Didn't understand
That anything can happen
When you take a chance
I never believed in
What I couldn't see
I never opened my heart
To all the possibilities
I know that something has changed
Never felt this way
And right here tonight

This could be the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new

Now who'd of ever thought that
We'd both be here tonight
And the world looks so much brighter
With you by my side
I know that something has changed
Never felt this way
I know it for real

This could be the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new

I never knew that it could happen
Till it happened to me
I didn't know it before
But now it's easy to see

It's a start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart

That it's the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new
Start of something new

----------------------------------

When There Was Me and You

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

I shan't post the lyrics for Breaking Free though I love it too. I just caught High School Muscial today. I'm glad I watched it, can't say it's late to watch it now =/ but who cares.

Though the plot and everything seems simple, the songs are just... to the point. To my point rather. Sigh. I wonder who can be that one whom I can sing with and just be myself naturally. Like being in kindergarten on the first day.

I'll hold her hand, look into her eyes and sing to her. At the same time, we're both on stage, where our fans are screaming for more. That would be my perfect dream. But I guess that won't ever happen because everything is too practical.

I shall pray and wish for that moment to come. Be it 10 years down the road or come what may, I will always have that perfect picture in my mind as long as I live.

What team? WILDCATS! what team? WILDCATS!

What say you?

Remember to Smile

2006-12-20T22:25:00.000+08:00

A smile can light a candle,
In a lonely heart,
It's like a sunny morning,
That warms a new day's fresh start.

Like a new mother's smile that cradles
Her baby with pure love,
Or a father's smile when he gives his young son,
A new baseball glove.

When we think about the world's sad woes,
The hungry and the poor...
We often do what is expected,
But a smile will open the door.

There's problems with acceptance
Of so many strangers on our shore,
But a warm smile can often lighten,
Someone's day as never before.

Sometimes a smile is like a rainbow,
Shining through a misty cloud,
That cheers an aggravated soul,
In the midst of an unseeing crowd.

Remember to smile today,
Every where you go...
It may not solve all the problems,
But it will soften life's not so gentle blows.

A smile is good medicine,
It can turn dark days into blue:
And when you see the sun comes out,
You know happiness sure rules.

Gotta tell ya

2006-12-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

Your love for me came as a waterfall,
flowing inside me like never before,
your love for me, something I didn't see, but baby I know better now.
When you walked in the room that very night, a special feeling just burst inside, it was only you, nobody else, but baby I know better now

Chorus:
Don't wanna love you if you don't love me, don't wanna need you when you won't need me too, don't wanna tell you this now but it wouldn't be right, If I, (If I) didn't tell you this tonight.

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

And now your back inside my house again,
I'm trying deeply to explain,
cuz baby I, wanna get it all and baby your the one for me.

And now that I have got you all alone,
after all this talking on the phone,
I should be strong, there's nothin wrong, I'll tell you this is where you belong.
(where you belong)

Chorus x 2

There was just something in your eyes that made me realize, now I hear voices deep inside, tellin me, tellin me to realize

Chorus x 2

I love this song. Samantha Mumba. Hmm wonder where she is now. This song created ripples across the world especially on the UK and Billboard charts. And you don't really get tired listening to it over and over again.

Ah. I thought I did move a step out of my night room. But guess I still retreated back. Sigh. A year has passed. Several people have come and gone. I still can't break out of my barrier. Inferiority complex has been pulling me down. The world is practical. First impression gives a lasting impression.

Ok so let me rant again. !@#$%^&**&^%$#@!@#$%^&**&&^^%$#@!@#%^&**&&^^%$#@@!!@##%^
Sigh. I think I sustained internal injuries -_- It feels so heavy inside. GOD. Anyone cares to lighten the load inside? Maybe not.

I was on my way to tuition when my eyes became red and puffy. How great is it. And I already wear nice nice wanna go out after that. Fuck. SIGH. My hand hurts too, they poked a tube into my hand =((

I hope I can really step out of the night room soon. It's too much for me to take. Getting weaker and weaker by the moment. Can't put on a facade any longer soon =( oh wells.

......

2006-12-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

It always boil down to this. My fingers are without motivation to type.
History repeats itself. Deja Vu.

Gonna stop at here. Good Night.

I Spent Lots Of Time On This

2006-12-03T13:05:00.000+08:00

Jury says: "You're guilty."
... ...
I don't mean to. It's not my intention to hurt. I'm just... confused?
... ...
Jury says: "Plead guilty. Though it won't do much help."
... ...
Yeah, I am ='(
... ...

Looking for someone to guide
Trying to figure out inside
I can run but can't hide
I don't know what else to feel inside
I'm going out of my mind
Trying to leave it all behind.

What I'm gonna write now are lyrics which I wrote in 2002.

Do you remember how we first met?
It was raining and everywhere was wet
You bumped into me while running across the street
I didn't mind and even offered you a treat
I was mesmerised by your smile and tried to get your number
But you just hurried off girl
Leaving me in the rain

You are the girl of my dreams
That charming smile of yours
Makes me think about you all day
There's no reason for me to give this chance away
I can be everything you'll find in a man
The perfect man

Ever since that day I've been waiting for you
Hoping that you would bump into me again
Miraculously, on the same rainy day it was
I bumped into you while running across the street
You didn't mind and even offered me a treat
I accepted it right away and got your number
After which you hurried off again
Leaving the happiest guy on earth
Standing in the rain

We sat down at the coffee table
You were too shy to take the initiative
I grabbed your hands and held it tight
Hoping you could feel the passion in me
You just smiled and that blew me away
For I knew we would be together not only for a day
It was like a dream come true
And I promise I'll be the man that you need

World Number 1 Roger

2006-11-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the world of Roger Federer. The mastery, skill, flair etc. Whatever words one can think of. These are the 10 records Roger set after he beat James Blake 6-0 6-3 6-4 in the year-ending Master's Cup final in Shanghai on Sunday:

1. First player to earn $8 million in prize money in one season ($8,343,885)
2. Most ranking points in a season (8,370)
3. Accumulated enough points to ensure he would break Jimmy Connors's record of 160 consecutive weeks as world number one on Feb. 26 next year
4. First man in the Open era to win 10 or more titles in three consecutive seasons (2004-11, 2005-11, 2006-12)
5. First man since Thomas Muster in 1995 to win 12 titles in one season (Australian Open, Wimbledon, U.S. Open, Masters Cup, Toronto Masters, Indian Wells, Madrid Masters, Miami Masters, Basel, Doha, Halle and Tokyo champion)
6. First player since Ivan Lendl in 1982 to win more than 90 matches in a season (92)
7. First man in the professional era to reach six consecutive grand slam finals
8. First man to win Wimbledon and U.S. Open back to back three years in a row
9. Beat Bjorn Borg's professional era record of 41 consecutive victories on grass and extended it to 48 when he captured a fourth Wimbledon title
10. Joined American Richard Sears and Briton Will Renshaw as the only men to win their first seven grand slam finals after winning the Australian Open in January. Sears and Renshaw achieved the feat in the 1880s

Now, isn't that amazing or what? Only two players (Rafael Nadal, Andy Murray) beat Federer this year. Haha but I think that doesn't hurt at all! An amazing 5 loss only! But one thing he's aiming for is the: French Open. This Grand Slam has been dominated by two-time Champion Rafael Nadal as it is on his favourite and best surface: clay. If I'm not wrong, Rafael Nadal had a consecutive winning streak of 60 clay matches, no doubt is he the Clay Court King. However, he always has to play Roger Federer in the finals. So, what more is there to say? Federer has reached 16 finals in 17 tournaments, winning 12 of them. The other 4 finals all lost to Rafael Nadal on clay surface. Lol. No wonder Nadal can only be World No. 2.

But I'm sure Roger will not give up till he captures his first French Open and that will complete his set of Grand Slams! Wow I can almost imagine him winning Australian Open first, then French Open (hopefully), followed by Wimbledon and lastly U.S Open next year! If he does that, there will be a whole load of new records set by him again =/ Like umm.. I don't know!! It's too massive to even think about it haha.

Oh anyways I predicted 2 out of 4 (semi-finalists) correctly for the ATP Shanghai Masters hahaha lousy me =/

Sigh I'm still thinking and thinking and thinking about my future. Argh nvm tmr then think, now I'll go and sleep =D signing out now tata~

Tennis Mania

2006-11-14T22:04:00.000+08:00

After watching three Grand Slam titles slip away, winning the WTA Championships to finish the season with a No. 1 ranking was the perfect finale for Justine Henin-Hardenne. I supported Maria Sharapova but I guess Justine was just too good that day.
Justine was the fifth player to reach all four Grand Slam finals and the WTA Championships final in the same year, and the first since Steffi Graf in 1993. She won a tour-high six titles, reaching 10 finals in her 13 tournaments played. Woah! Great feat! She lost to Amelie Mauresmo in the Australian Open and Wimbledon finals, and No. 2 Maria Sharapova in the U.S. Open final. She definitely repaid them by clinching her second season-ending No. 1 crown with the championships victory. Hah. So now the year-end Top 3 rankings are as follows: 1. Justine Henin-Hardenne 2. Maria Sharapova 3. Amelie Mauresmo. MARIA!! I STILL LOVE YA!! Maria's still young. This yr 19 only hoho. I'm sure she can make it next year =)

As for the guys. Hmm. Roger Federer looks like the strongest contender to win the WTA Championships. He has already been crowned No. 1 for end of year even if he loses in first round HAHA. Like what the hell? Is there really no one who can overtake his position? Hmm. I would say Andy Roddick would probably be his strongest competitor though he just lost to Roger 4-6 7-6 6-4 just a while ago. Pretty close huh? Andy just need to win his match against David Nalbandian, the 2005 WTA Championships winner. I'm sure he can do it especially since he has his new coach, Jimmy Connors. I can safely say that Roger Federer would already be in the semi-finals. I put my money on Andy Roddick to be the other semi-finalist from Red Group.

Gold Group. Let's see.. I would put my bet on Nikolay Daveydenko as the first semi-finalist. He has a great year, in fact, his best year if I'm not wrong. And the other guy would be James Blake? Hah he defeated World No. 2 Rafael Nadal in his first round! That's already something to look forward to man! James Blake remains the only player in the elite eight-man field to have a winning record over Nadal (3-0). James Blake also has his best season this year 56-23 with five titles -- and finishing in the Top 10 for the first time. So. James Blake would seem fine to cruise through to semi-finals.

I wanna watch the matches =( but can't. They don't show it live! Argh. Can only see the live scores, which is.. not fun at all. Haha. I would love to see a Federer VS Roddick final! I don't know. Even though Andy Roddick has slipped off the rankings since 2003, I definitely think he still has the talent and power to be a threat to Roger Federer! Oh wells. I say so much also no use cos it depends on the player's performance on that day. Who knows Federer might not even make it to Finals. =x Oops haha that sounds quite impossible though hahaha.

Next time I'll send my kid for tennis lessons hahahaha =/ Ok just kidding -_-

!@#$%^&*

2006-11-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby

If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever

But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow
Baby, Baby, Baby

When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now

If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
Al coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now

(It's all coming back to me now)
And when you kiss me like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And when I touch you like that
(It's all coming back to me now)
If you do it like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And if we...

Original version by Celine Dion. Meat Loaf and Marion Raven did a cover duet for this song. Superb!!! No. 6 on the UK charts haha.

Not much updates so far.. Tuition lessons and lessons and lessons. Finally I get a break for a month before continuing in December. Driving lessons are fun! I think i can pass easily hoho =P And I got a orange teddy bear! ;) I LOVEEEE the bear muacks muacks!

SAT results out tomorrow! =( I know I'll do badly. Oh wells. Time to go on with my plan of saving up for private uni and studying part time at the same time.

By the way, anyone knows how much can a W700i be traded in for? Tag me please!

Nothing much to type anymore. So tata good night =)

Carrie Underwood

2006-10-12T22:20:00.000+08:00

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp,
and she's probably getting frisky... right now,
he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey...

Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick,
showing her how to shoot a combo...

And he don't know...

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat...
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...

And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

Right now, she's probably up singing some
white-trash version of Shania karoke..
Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"
and he's a thinking that he's gonna lucky,
Right now, he's probably dabbing 3 dollars worth of that bathroom Polo...
And he don't know...

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat,
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...

And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

I might saved a little trouble for the next girl,
Cause the next time that he cheats...

Oh, you know it won't be on me!

Ohh... not on me...
Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat...
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

Ohh.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...

Ohh... before he cheats...

Ah Carrie Underwood. Probably second to Kelly Clarkson in whole of American Idol now. Hmm, the chorus really depicts what a girl would do haha. Destroying the bf's car. That's lame =/ oops sorry but it is!!!

Hoho. SAT is this sat damn. I'm so afraid I'll not do well in the English section =( Tried practicing the papers, but out of 10 MCQs, I always get around 5? That's BAD. How can I hit my aim of at least 1800/2400? AND there's the essay which I totally dread because: 1. It's newly introduced. 2. Been ages since I last wrote an essay. The best thing is, I don't even know what kinda questions they'll give!!! Gosh.

Bless me. Maths should be fine for me. Easy =/ ah can't be too complacent.

Well now, I am doing fine in everything besides ****. Why?

A few years ago I had a friend,
He always used to say,
"Tell people how and what you feel,
there might not be another day."

I did not listen I really thought,
I'll tell her I love her tomorrow.
Tomorrow did not come for us,
Only pain and sorrow.

I will not make that same mistake,
And here's what I will do.
I'll send this poem to all my friends,
And tell you I love you.

Best friend, close friend, friend at all,
You mean the world to me.
I thank you for the people you are,
And every memory.

I love the laughter and the tears,
Everything we share.
Thank you for being in my life,
The times that you were there.

I am sorry for any hurt I caused,
If I could I'd take it back.
I'd unlock the doors into the past
But it's that key I lack.

Please don't hold the past inside,
We can't go back and change.
Life has its laws and limits,
And the past is out of range.

Forgive, forget, it's easier,
For both you and the other one.
It closes open windows,
And leaves nothing left undone.

Don't be mad if I might change,
Everybody does.
We'll change forever while we're here,
And only just because.

You cannot change the ones you love,
Shape them to your way.
Please love me for who I am,
Each and everyday.

I hold onto our memories,
When we're gone they live.
Instead of tears and heartache,
It's happiness they give.

Sometimes in life, things get hard,
But it's all for the best.
Sit back and take it when it comes,
It's just a little test.

My friend, he told me that in these times
A lesson must be learned.
Don't fight the lesson, it might be hard,
be strong or you'll get burned.

Make someone smile everyday,
A smile means a lot.
Don't wish for things that you can't have,
Cherish what you've got.

Sometimes we can't have people,
Because of God or other reasons.
Remember there's a time for all,
Life has got its seasons.

Sometime life takes them away from us,
But here's what we must know.
You don't have to stop loving them,
You just have to let them go.

Listen to your heart,
Not always with your head.
Love isn't what we learn,
It's something felt instead.

You're all so special to me,
I love you upon no ends.
I love you just the way you are,
I treasure all my friends.

No matter how we are today,
Tomorrow if I go,
I am telling you I LOVE YOU,
Just so you will know.

Hurt - Christina Aguilera

2006-10-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I hurt myself by hating you
Somedays I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so I'm afraid to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

By hurting you

Another week has passed. What am I chasing after?

=)

2006-10-08T01:27:00.000+08:00

Had fun at cousin's wedding dinner! Go to my friendster and see the new pictures =D
Cuzzies, msn me to get the pictures! Damn tired now, have three lessons to go later on =( ah i better go and catch some sleep. Will blog about the dinner soon =) buhbye goodnight!

Won't Let You Fall

2006-10-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

Verse 1
I’ll never let you go
So never let me go
I will be a journey
and you will be my road
Down the stormy path
Love will never come to pass
You will be our anchor
All over the winds may blow

Chorus
And through the depths of high and low
Wherever you will go I’ll follow
To the end
Back again, you know
Won’t let you fall
Fall out of love
‘Cause together we’ll be holding on
‘Cause all we have is us
Won’t let you go
Go away again
Because I don’t need nothing at all
If I don’t have your love

Verse 2
I will dry your tears
Take away your fears
Let me be your shelter
Your heart is safe in here
So beautiful and pure
Nothing I would not endure
Ooh, love has got me blinded
I can see it all so clear

Chorus
and through the depths of high and low
Wherever you will I’ll follow
To the end
Back again you know
Won’t let you fall
Fall out of love
‘Cause together we’ll be holding on
‘Cause all we have is us
Won’t let you go
Go away again
Because I don’t need nothing at all
If I don’t have your love

Bridge
I’m down for you for whatever
Anything you’re going through
What’s mine is yours
Everything little thing I got you
Even when the winds of change come smashing down and crashing on you
Won’t let you fall
Fall out of love
‘Cause together we’ll be holding on
‘Cause all we have is us
Won’t let you go
Go away again
Because I don’t need nothing at all
If I don’t have your love

Don’t have your love…
If I don’t
Have your love…
No no…
Never let you go…
Let you go…
Let you fall…
Let you fall…
Fall out of love…

Here comes another moment of test. Won't ignore you silly. You make me laugh.

Through the Fire

2006-09-25T23:01:00.000+08:00

I look in your eyes and I can see
We’ve loved so dangerously
You’re not trusting your heart to anyone
You tell me you’re gonna play it smart
We’re through before we start
But I believe that we’ve only just begun

When it’s this good, there’s no saying no
I want you so, I’m ready to go

Chorus:
Through the fire
To the limit, to the wall
For a chance to be with you
I’d gladly risk it all
Through the fire
Through whatever, come what may
For a chance at loving you
I’d take it all the way
Right down to the wire
Even through the fire

I know you’re afraid of what you feel
You still need time to heal
And I can help if you’ll only let me try
You touch me and something in me knew
What I could have with you
Well I’m not ready to kiss that dream goodbye

When it’s this sweet, there’s no saying no
I need you so, I’m ready to go

Chorus

Through the test of time

Chorus

Through the fire, to the limit
Through the fire, through whatever
Through the fire, to the limit
Through the fire, through whatever

Chaka Khan's Through the Fire. Love this song the moment Hady sang it. Ah no doubt is he the second Singapore Idol. Tough luck Jon, I knew you weren't gonna win based on your performances (no offence) HAHA.

Feeling emo again after listening to this song. Oh wells. Can't help it but I reckon I'll live through the moment so. Cheers to King Phil! =D

A little bit of Friendship

2006-09-24T21:57:00.000+08:00

A friend is a person you can trust,
who won't turn away from you.
A friend will be there when you need someone,
and will come to you when they need help.
A friend will listen even when they don't understand
or agree with your feelings;
a friend will never try to change you,
but appreciates for who you are.
A friend doesn't expect too much or give too little;
a friend is someone you can share dreams, hopes and
feelings with.
A friend is a person you can think of and suddenly
smile;
A friend doesn't have to be told that they are special,
because they know you feel that way.
A friend will bend over backwards to help you pick up
the pieces when your world falls apart.
A friend is one of life's most beautiful gifts.
Friends are angels sent down to earth to make
good days and to help us find our way.
A friend is a one-in-a-million find,
the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,
a treasure that gives you wealth untold.
Friendship is sharing thoughts and feelings
in a way that never felt comfortable before.
It is complete trust that is sweetened with a lot
of understanding and communication.
Friendship is a gift that continually gives happiness.
It is strong and supportive, and few things in all
the world will ever compare with the joy that comes
from its wonderful bond.

Love Is Love

2006-09-21T22:18:00.000+08:00

It's very strange, when suddenly, your heart will realize,
It has been taken by someone with words before your eyes.
It is so strange to fall in love while starring at a screen,
With someone who is miles away that you have never seen.

You read about it in the news and see it on TV,
About an online love affair as real as it could be.
A couple fell in love online and one day finally meet.
The love was real for both of them and now they are complete.

You think this couldn't happen, because it is all a game.
The people that you read about already were insane.
To meet a perfect stranger may be asking way too much.
The people who set up these dates have gone completely nuts.

You don't know who you're talking to, and can they be sincere?
And if you've never seen someone, how can they really care?
So then you play your silly games, while trying to have fun,
And if someone seems serious you click your mouse and run.

Nobody can convince you that relationships can brew.
It's just a game that people play, because it's something new.
You talk to people everywhere as if the world is right.
Then, when your tired of talking, you just click them off at night.

But, one day you will meet someone, as strange as it may seem,
And they will make you feel as tho you're living in a dream.
You will feel emotions until now were undisturbed,
And as they type upon your screen you'll hang on every word.

You'll not understand it, how this person makes you feel,
But emotions that you're feeling suddenly are real.
You will feel emotions and you'll think that it's insane.
How could words upon a screen cause happiness and pain?

When you realize the words are from a person's heart,
Then you understand, within your life they have a part.
Relationships online is something you think you're above,
But deep within your heart you know you're falling deep in love.

Love is love, no matter what the world will try to say.
What difference does it matter how the love has come your way?
True love is so precious and it is so rare to find.
How can you doubt some people find true love when they're online?

It may be hard to understand how you can love someone,
When all you wanted was to go online to have some fun.
You may think relationships online may not be smart,
But I have met some people that I love with all my heart!

My Favourite Tennis Players

2006-09-19T20:26:00.000+08:00

Awww look at them. Aren't they just adorable? Perfect match made in heaven I would say. Was in the US Open Tennis mood and I practically stayed up every night to watch the matches. Utterly sad when Andy lost the trophy to Roger, but he managed to fight through till the finals even though he had just receovered from an injury, so guess it was something worth celebrating too. Maria played superb tennis, she looks set to reclaim her World No. 1 title again. Love her to bits. There's one thing I gotta admit though: She shrieks a lot. Hmm maybe that's why it affected her opponents? Hah. Nonetheless, skills matter a lot xD so I don't really care about it hoho.

Hmm let's see. I'm a big fan of tennis, but I don't know how to play tennis. Haha. I wanna learn tennis but it's gonna burn my pocket since my parents are not willing to sponsor me. I'm paying everything by myself now, so much for saving up till I ORD. Damn. I don't think I can save enough to go overseas. Prolly just one year of pocket money that's all. =/

Ah below are more tennis players which I adore.

The three above are (from most top to bottom) Gaston Gaudio, Marat Safin and Elena Dementieva. They have won tournaments before and made impact in the tennis arena. Really hope to see them doing that again (like Andy Roddick). And now time for me to say goodbye, might come back later on to just post a song =)

Someone

2006-09-18T21:17:00.000+08:00

What if you were a someone
who needed a hug today
and what if you were a someone
who'd gone and lost their way?

What if you were a someone
in need of a friendly face
and what if you were a someone
crumpled and out of place?

What if you were a someone
on a rocky, uphill climb
and what if you were a someone
with no one to share your time?

What if you were a someone
desperate for a kind word
and what if you were a someone
speaking out, but never heard?

What if you were a someone
who's confidence had been shattered
and what if you were a someone
longing to know you mattered.

What if you were a someone
feeling ugly, worthless and small
and what if you were a someone
with no where to turn at all?

What if you were a someone
crying tears that wouldn't stop
and what if you were a someone
giving up and ready to drop?

What if you were a someone
full of sorrow, pain and despair
and what if you were a someone
yearning for someone to care?

But....

What if you're not that someone?
What if life's going your way?
Would you give yourself to someone else,
be the someone you'll need some day?

Changing Leaves

2006-09-17T23:17:00.000+08:00

The changing leaves of autumn colored brightly red and gold,
Also bring a warning of the coming winter cold.
As the wind is changing from the milder summer breeze,
You can feel the difference as it echoes through the trees.

As I shuffle down the path leading through the park,
As the days grow shorter now and soon it will be dark.
I realize that life is like the seasons we live through,
Life is like the changing seasons always changing too.

Basking in the warmth of life in the summer sun,
Never giving thought to when these summer days are done.
But before we realize the cold wind starts to blow,
And our basking summer sun turns colder with the snow.

Only then we realize that life has changed so fast,
Only then we realize that nothing ever lasts.
Life goes through the seasons as the years accumulate,
Many times we long for summer when it is too late.

Life is meant for living and enjoying each new day,
Life is meant for loving those you meet along the way.
Never spend your summer years just basking in the sun,
Unless each minute that you spend is with a special one.

People need each other to enjoy the trip through life,
A very special partner or a husband or a wife.
Alone you can enjoy the beauty that is everywhere,
But there is a special meaning when with someone you can share.

Life is like a changing tree with brightly colored leaves,
Your family and your friends and you can be compared to these.
In autumn when the leaves start changing colors, they will fall,
One by one until the branches have released them all.

If I be like a changing leaf among one of life's trees,
And all my friends and family were also such as these.
And autumn was not just for me as counted from my birth,
But autumn season spoken here was for the entire earth.

Then are we in the autumn season foretold from the past?
Could the colored leaves now falling be the very last?
Are the signs and wonders now upon us really true?
Or will there be another spring when all things will be new?

I as a single leaf will someday have my time to leave,
As those who went before me leaving me to sometime grieve.
But someday in that final autumn at the final call,
Should I still be clinging there when all the leaves will fall.

I only want to realize that in this autumn season,
I had a purpose in this would and my life had a reason.
To live and love and enjoy life for all that it is worth,
But only if the lives I've touched had meaning and a purpose.

No one knows whose life they touch or who they will embrace,
Just by actions that they do or being face to face.
But your life will be noticed as the brightly colored trees,
As either brilliant beauty or a pile of dried up leaves.

Thoughts...

2006-09-07T21:03:00.000+08:00

Follow your destiny - Wherever it leads you

There comes a time in your life when you realize that if you stand still, you will remain at this point forever. You realize that if you fall and stay down, life will pass you by.

Life's circumstances are not always what you might wish them to be. The pattern of life does not necessarily go as you plan. Beyond any understanding, you may at times be led in different directions that you never imagined, dreamed, or designed. Yet if you had never put any effort into choosing a path, or tried to carry out your dream, then perharps you would have no direction at all.

Rather than wondering about or questioning the direction your life has taken, accept the fact that there is a path before you now. Shake off the "why's" and "what if's", and rid yourself of confusion. Whatever was - is in the past. Whatever is - is what's important. The past is a brief reflection. The future is yet to be realized. Today is here.

Walk your path one step at a time - with courage, faith and determination. Keep your head up, and cast your dreams to the stars. Soon your steps will become firm, and your footing will be solid again. A path that you never imagined will become the most comfortable direction you could have ever hoped to follow.

Keep your belief in yourself and walk into your new journey. You will find it magnificent, spectacular, and beyond your wildest imaginations.

Call Me When You're Sober

2006-09-03T00:51:00.000+08:00

Here I am again, feeling the same feelings again.
It's easy to say 'You have the choice to be happy'
I need to let it all out. I need to scold someone, hit someone, kill someone.
I want to cry out loud 'YOU GUYS SUCK'

I'm not going for the auditions anymore.
I don't wanna go there alone again.
*shrugs*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
CALL ME GOD.

I need someone to really understand me.
I smile and laugh everyday.
Does it help me feel better?
No, I'm only deceiving myself
HIT ME HARD ON MY HEAD TILL I BLEED AND DIE

Why am I trying so hard to stay happy everyday?
I feel I have nothing.
OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG
I'm gonna go do something stupid now.
CIAO

@_@

2006-08-28T00:41:00.000+08:00

it's been a week since I last blogged.. Heh PS2 is my life now -_- Gosh

I believe I can be very attractive
I believe I can be very cute
I believe I can be very smart
I believe I can be very successful
I believe I can be very happy
I believe I can be very cool
I believe I can be very rich
And last but not least, I believe I can find my soul mate =)

It's just a matter of when not how.
I believe I can wait.

B.L.A.S.T

2006-08-20T02:26:00.000+08:00

Just one word to describe today's stemaboat: BLAST! Gosh did we have so much fun today!! WOOHOO. Ok i'm gonna go play my PS2 now, update tmr hoho =D buhbyeee

My beloved!

2006-08-19T00:46:00.000+08:00

Oh my beloved!! I love you sooo much hoho I wanna play you every day and night!! HAHA
I promise to tske good care of you. =) So happy hehe. Hee can play games, watch DVDs with you =D

Heh gonna go Marina South to eat steamboat with Sarah and gang =D this time round, with old colleagues like Sengsiong, Zhizong, Aaron etc! Gonna be so much fun and laughter man ahhaa missed you guys.

Hmm... tuition is driving me nuts and its draining my energy =( tired tired... Uh HUH registering for driving lessons tmr! i mean later.. in the morning yay. Can drive around anywhere I like soon haha. ONLY me in the car and no one else. I'll blast the music too =D Don't ask me to drive you cuz I won't unless I feel like it =D hah.

Well still not prepared for Project Superstar yet. Can I do it alone again? I believe I can. Nothing is impossible to me, especially singing. Why would I let my good voice to go unheard? =D hoho a bit bhb. but I don't fukin care.

Hmm what if I fail... life still goes on I guess. Maybe not the right time for me to get in. Let fate decide ba xD

OMG sarah u better stop eating and stop tempting me to eat also ahha you made me broke my streak of two days with just apples for dinner only. Damn. OMG steamboat later in the evening also -_- i'll just have heavy breakfast and skip lunch then

okays gotta go have my beauty sleep to regain youth! buhbye=D

Tiring...

2006-08-17T22:26:00.000+08:00

Next week is hell week for my students cuz they are havin their exams. I'm so stressed up, its my first time teaching and I'm not sure if I'm able to hlep them improve. Oh wells. We'll see how it goes.

I'm joining Project Superstar. Again. So let's see now, I'll probably not get through the first round of auditions again. So why the fuk am I wasting my time -_- Gonna accompany Kelly, my cousin to auditions lol She's singing one of Kelly Poon's songs, think it's Ai, Wu Li. Lol. I thought I would choose Piano by Fan but in the end I think i'll settle for Ting Hai by A Mei =D I'll just go there and sing for fun.

Nothing to blog about. Or maybe there's no point in blogging anything. My blog is so dead now. I look old now. People say I look old now. LOL. Sarah said too much depression will make one old. Guess I need to regain my youth once again. o_O

From now on, I'll try my best to watch my diet, do some exercise, listen to more music to make myself happier and improve on vocals =D Hmmm.. guess need to improve on image as well. People don't believe I go clubbing -_- what the hell. But I don't really like clubbing la cuz of the smoke.

Oh yeah I'm gonna go down to driving centre this sat and register! Like finally haha. Can't imagine myself driving in future -_- too short to see the mirror haha.

I'm going to bed now. Sleep early to get back youth =D

PS: I'm just gonna choose what to bother about now =D The rest of it, I don't fucking care anymore. This will help me alot =D

Another week.

2006-08-13T20:57:00.000+08:00

Yet another week has gone by
So many times I've cried
I'm not who I used to be
What happened to me
How can I be myself again
To be freed from this pain

Should I just concentrate on losing weight and making myself feel better?
I can't stop eating.
I'm turning into a pig as each day passes.
I hate myself.
16 years of physical and mental torture.
I'm fat, ugly, short, stupid.
No one likes me.
Don't give me crap saying you guys love me
Yes I'm shallow for thinking all this
C'mon, let's be realistic.
Who would want a bf who's short, ugly, fat and stupid.
People look at me and get turned off.
Hope my blood vessel burst and I'll just die.
I'm more and more tired.
It's time to sleep

Xuefang's Bday

2006-08-10T22:39:00.000+08:00

Shall blog about Xuefang's Bday =) Had a blast man really really happy together haha
Went to Fish & Co. at Dhoby Ghaut to have dinner, I was late cuz I ended tuition late so in the end I was the only one eating while everyone stared at me lol. It was great seeing them again! Gosh first thing I did was laugh with Lynn. As usual. HAHA
Lynn was there, Celine, Xuefang, Daniel, Zhao Wei and Eng Khoon were there too. Haha I still remember your names ok. We all took pictures and HIAO together. Then came the bday cake and we sang bday song for her. She was made to stand on the chair and blow the candles on the table, which was quite far away, haha she couldn't la so Zhao Wei brought the cake closer. But, she blew the candles like she wanna fall off like that hahah. Sarah didn't meet us cuz she went home to slack (lazy bum!!) and she was smsing me all the way to ask us to hurry up -_- gosh.

When I first saw the cake she was holding, I thought I smelt durian and I told everyone it was durian cake. Then I was like 'Wah very smelly leh how', then they said Sarah can have half the cake ahaha. But Sarah said it was chocolate cake and I smelt Durian instead. My nose is screwed? LOL Sarah later said it was cuz the auntie put the choco cake with the durian cake together so that's why the durian's smell is quite strong.. weird =/

We reached Chinatown's Partyworld i think.. haha not bad not bad.. inside about the same as Kbox. The room is big too and I just jumped onto the sofa and treated it like my home =D We sang a lot a lot of songs... was there from 10pm to 3am.. haha and they were like 'omg Phil, I'm very impressed by your singing' lol sigh if only the judges say that, then i'll be like.. WOW anyways i'll be taking part in the Project Superstar 2 in Sept. With my cousin, Kelly! NOt Kelly Poon. ahaha i wish. oh wells hope i can at least get thru the first round. AND THEY FUKING LET ME IN. I'm so gonna dominate them ARGH blahhh.

Anyways, after KTV, we didn't go home cuz we were thinking it was only a few hours more then can take public transport, can save money haha we walked from chinatown to esplanade, which was quite near, to sit and stone. And yes we really did, we talked bout so many things ahaha shared cold jokes etc.

OMG DANIEL IS A FREAK!! he can sort of dislocate his arm himself and his right arm seemed to be dangling loooorrr omgomgomg All the girls screamed damn loud la. LOL it was funny seeing Daniel fixing his arm himself. But I concluded that it's really disgusting -_- Lynn was sayin when her friend hit the lamppost and dislocate his shoulders, her friend would hit the lamppost again to get his shoulder back in place, gosh how gross is that =/

Finally, it was time to go home already, before this I was kinda lyin on the floor already hahaha Sarah and Dan were talkin, the rest were by the sea dunno see what haha I am really tired leh =/

It was really an unforgettable day. i miss ktv now man.. and I'm growin to like this group a lot a lot!! And growing more closer too =) Hope it'll last? =/ Well let's go out again soon =D (which is like real soon hahahah) Lookin forward to it ;)

Ain't it Funny

2006-08-09T23:05:00.000+08:00

Where are my old group of friends?
I actually spend more time with my new group of friends.
What does that mean?
I don't know why I keep harping on this subject.
But isn't it so damn obvious?

Getting very lost nowadays
Don't know the reason why.
I keep listening to What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts.
Why is it easier for people to say "It's your own choice to be happy. I'm happy beacuse I chose to be".
I mean c'mon, that statment has a tinge of being deillusional.
Lame.
One of the factors to be happy: everything that surrounds you must create that atmosphere for you to be happy.

I don't understand myself anymore.
Thought I did.

The Empty Within

2006-08-06T10:13:00.000+08:00

. . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . .

*Echos* H.... . . . . E. . . . . L . . . . .P. . . . . .

Different by Night

2006-08-03T21:31:00.000+08:00

As night falls,
I could only sit and stare
Loneliness calls,
A smile on me is quite rare

When morning sets in,
I put aside my sorrows
Always pretending,
Simply can't imagine how

The stone in my heart isn't broken
The strongest acid won't work
Tell me how...

Great Gathering.

2006-08-01T10:26:00.000+08:00

Met up with Sarah, Celine, Lynn and Daniel (new colleague at CBB) for supper yesterday. Was really great seeing them again. Still as funny and crappy as ever haha. Kept laughing non-stop. Ah. Just knew them for half a year only and we're so close. Rare friends. Daniel was funny. Yes as what Celine had said, he is crappy. Which is good ;) ahahaha. Might meet them again later at Bugis and also this Friday to watch movie. Hehe they're like integrated into my life already =/ Wish I could know them earlier.

Oh anyways forgot to include that the promotions at the airport has officially stopped. The whole Asia Pacific in fact. Mr Stephan's boss didn't want to extend his stay in Singapore, so he had to leave. Aww I'm gonna miss ya Mr Stephan, you have been a great superior to us (except there are times which we really don't like you either) Haha. Hope to work with you again real soon yeah ;)

Well gotta go now. Will come back later to update =)

Quiet Bday.

2006-07-27T22:31:00.000+08:00

You scored as White. White represents purity, calmness and innocense, and you fit all this. You are angelic to the core and would never dream of hurting anyone on purpose. The events of this world tend to shock you and you cannot wait to escape to a better place. You believe in the good of people. Your kind and loving nature makes you very hard to resist.

White

89%

Orange

72%

Blue

72%

Green

61%

Yellow

56%

Black

50%

Red

44%

Purple

39%

Pink

17%

Which Colour Represents You???
created with QuizFarm.com

hmm... haha do you think its true? I think so hoho =x Taken from Shiyun's blog.
About this year's Bday.
Some Comments.
Cassandra Anne Kumar, Gladys Tan Hwee Siang, Gerald Tan Yong Boon and Hafiz. Good never wish me at all.

Thanks Sarah for accompanying me today, if not I'll be sleeping the whole day away at home. Sigh do I always have to depend on her to accompany me? It seems like I'm such a loner with no friends at all. Ah what the fuk, my fault again, I shouldn't think about all this, I shouldn't blame people at all. (Even Sarah agrees that if she were me, she would feel a bit sad.)

I should have gone to work today. They would have celebrated for me. Together with the NSmen.

So can anyone tell me why have I become like this? Is it entirely my fault? If it is, I've nothing to say. If it isn't, go and do something about it. Don't regret only when you lose me.

And I'm Telling You.

2006-07-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

There's no way
That I can possibly
Hear you say
I miss you terribly

Who am I
To think so much
Time goes by
It's hard to judge

Here we go again...

I don't know what title to put anymore

2006-07-21T23:53:00.000+08:00

Yes I do not know
Not anymore
Do you wanna tell me
Before I get bored

Searching for the right
but it takes too long
Wanna see the light
Singing me a song

ok, I'm too tired to think of what to write =/ Guess I'll just leave it here.
Till then, ciaoooo.

PS: Fuk it. (God that person is cute and I'm attracted =()

Re: I Could Fall

2006-07-15T00:28:00.000+08:00

Nobody could hurt me
Like I know she could hurt me
But there's nothing in this world that I won't do

Nobody could take me
To the places that she takes me
Places that I never been before

With my eyes wide open
Knowing full well
I could fall from heaven (fall from heaven)
I could fall from heaven (fall from heaven)
I could fall, I could break
That's the chance that I take
I could fall

Look at me I'm flyin'
A breath away from dyin'
Holdin' on to her and lettin' go

As I walk across this wire
Above a lake of fire
And leanin' to the wind that starts to blow

With my eyes wide open
Knowing full well
I could fall from heaven (fall from heaven)
I could fall from heaven (fall from heaven)
I could fall, I could break
That's the chance that I take
I could fall

Do I hide my heart
Do I lock my door
Do I tear it out so it don't feel no more
No I risk it all
Knowing that
I could fall from heaven (fall from heaven)
I could fall from heaven (fall from heaven)
I could fall
I could fall
I could fall
I could fall
Fall
Fall

Sinking ever deeper
Need to find my keeper
Give him my heart
And never part

I should really give up
Of course without a doubt
Why am I hanging on
When everything's long gone

Should I continue
or Should I not..

As I'm fading away into the Night room again...
This time round, once and for all.

Phil - Friend or Lover

2006-07-12T23:11:00.000+08:00

What am I better in
Being a friend or a lover
If only I knew my answer

Sometimes I wish people would care for me more
Not that absolutely no one cares about me
But it's a different kinda care if you know what I mean

Back to the phase of listening to sad love songs again
Ah, the bitter sweet feeling of it all
I wouldn't mind if I were to listen to it 24/7 for the rest of my life

I can't really differentiate between Infatuation and Love now
What's happening to me
I don't wish to be obvious here
It's a public blog after all =/
I just... I dont know
The feeling, that same old feeling
If it was a fruit, lemon it would be
Sour. VERY VERY SOUR. Imagine that.

Am I that Noble?

2006-07-12T00:27:00.000+08:00

Noble enough, I must say
To appear that relaxed
But I can't imagine myself
Holding on to that facade too long
Why am I doing this
I ask myself
Maybe just because I'm TOO nice

I fall into infatuations TOO easily.

I could fall from heaven
I could fall, I could break
That's the chance I'd take
I could fall

Sigh guess I'll always be the one doing all this for other people
Don't see anyone doing the same to me like I do

Once again, I feel that my room is becoming darker, the point of light is diminishing
But what can I do
No one knows I'm trapped in this deep abyss
Dark and cold
I can only hang a smile on my face
Telling myself to look forward and go on
When will the time come when the smile just comes naturally

And as I think about all the possibilities, I slowly fade away into the Night Room. .

A Fool of Love? Perharps

2006-07-10T23:03:00.000+08:00

Just a while ago, I said something
I found it interesting myself
"In the meantime, just sit back and relax, like you're watching a movie and when it comes to your favourite part, take the remote and pause it. Savour every moment of that part."
Heh didn't think that would come from me

I'm nice to everyone. Alright, ALMOST everyone
Especially when it comes to L.O.V.E
'Nice' is almost tripled
But I realised something
Most of the time it's one-sided
Not that I'm complaining
But it does affects me slightly
Cuz I get into infatuations easily
And that really sucks badly

Heh seems like I'm into my poetry medley again hoho

Maybe not tonight.

My thoughts are blurred
Like how I am,
I can't see clearly in my room
Just reaching out my hands in the dark for anything
It's obviously futile

But suddenly, I found myself staring at some point
That point is bright.
Hmm I wonder... could it be. . . ?

Goodbye - Natalie Imbruglia

2006-07-09T01:52:00.000+08:00

Every days the same
i feel them merge
i try to seperate
resist the urge

But they tell me i'll be fine
That it'll all get better
Just try to write it down
or put it in a letter

Still the words wont play,
And theres no easy way to say

Goodbye........Goodbye

Keep my head on straight
and dont look down
When all i've pushed away
i'm losing ground

But they tell me i'll be fine
that it'll all get better
Just try to write it down
or put it in a letter

Still the words wont play
and there no easy way to say

Goodbye........Goodbye

And from the sidelines watch me
fall down.......

I dont understand the things i do
but they tell me i;ll be fine
as long i keep moving
just try to write it down
till things just keep improving

Still the words wont play
and theres no easy way to say

Goodbye .............. goodbye

Terrific song from an awesome album. Natalie Imbruglia's Goodbye, taken from her No. 1 album 'Counting Down the Days'. She's such an underated singer/songwriter =/ I just don't understand why. I think she's amazing lo =D What Britney Spears crap, no wait they're not even in the same league to be compared with in the same place.

Let me continue with my rantings about my personal Night Room.

Let's try. I can't deny.
Someone. Always this vague silhouette.
But how can I see it in the Night Room?
When there's absolutely no light at all

It's always the mind. Can't leave it behind.
And when I thought everything would be over
It just bumps me off again
IT'S NOT EASY TO JUST FORGET EVERYTHING

I'm just useless.
"Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I've left unspoken"

Si seulement vous lisiez ceci, vous sauriez combien vous voulez dire à moi. Même jusqu'à maintenant.
Je ne peux le prendre plus, il suce la vie hors de moi.

In the Night Room III

2006-07-05T22:59:00.000+08:00

The footsteps that were once near my room are moving away slowly

Maybe it was just my imagination
How could it be?

Once again, it's total darkness.
Thought I saw a hint of light
Almost too close to come true

BLERGH. Here I am waiting again
and I'm crying inside of me.

Let me see not one ray anymore
For I'll pin my hopes on it.

Too sad to be true. I cried silently.

In The Night Room II

2006-07-05T00:12:00.000+08:00

I'm still in the night room.

*imagines what's outside of it*

I hear footsteps shuffling to and fro
Trying hard to identify.

I cry silently like nothing has happened.

In The Night Room

2006-07-03T23:10:00.000+08:00

In the night room
That's where I don't wanna be
Fear and misery loom
Upon the pathetic me
It hits me with a boom
As it claps with glee
There is only 'doom'
Which is visible to see

Temperature is low
And I'm freezing cold
Rays of light come and go
But none can help me so
Tell me what to do
Before it gets me too cool
Hope one true ray comes through
And save me from all these cruel

back to updating again..

2006-06-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

wow its almost a month since i entered here =/ lotsa stuff happened. Shall not go into details cuz I don't wanna be reminded of everything. Sigh life goes on. Hmm I'm still picking my song of the day hah.. will post the lyrics later =D

So. I'm a NSmen clerk at IAC, Paya Lebar Airbase. I can't really say much cos it's supposed to be confidential hoho? =/ But anyways I'm getting on with the job quite okay. Plus, I get to go home everyday in 6 bus stops! HOHO.

I have nothing else to blog. Guess my song of the day is: Breaking Free by Zac Efron and Vanessa Anne Hudgens from the High School Musical Soundtrack =)

We're soaring, flying
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
If we're trying
So we're breaking free.

We know the world can see us
In a way that's different than who we are.
Creating space between us
till we're separate hearts.

But in faith it gives me strength,
strength to believe..

We're breaking free!
We're soaring, flying
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
If we're trying
Yeah we're breaking free
Oh we're breaking free, ooooh

Can you feel it building?
Like a wave the ocean just can't control
Collected by a feeling
Ooh in our very soul. (very soul)

Rising till it lifts us up
So everyone can see.

We're breaking free!
We're soaring, flying
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
If we're trying
Yeah we're breaking free
Oh we're breaking free, oooh.

Running, climbing, to get to the place to be all that we can be.
Now's the time,
So we're breaking free.
We're breaking free, ooh yeah

More than hope, more than faith,
This is true, this is fate,
and together we see it coming.
More than you, more than me
Not a one boy in need
up above, breaking free!

Soaring, flying
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach.
If we're trying
Yeah we're breaking free (breaking free)

We're running, ooh climbing to get to that place to be all that we can be.
Now's the time (now's the time)
So we're breaking free. Ohhh we're breaking free

We know the world can see us
in a way that's different than who we are.

VERY VERY nice duet =) I learned the song already, I wanna sing it with someone haha =) So girls please go learn your parts and we combine yeah? ahahaahah =S

Well I downloaded that song just last week and I've already listened to that song for 52 times and counting =/

Hope my appeals work out alright *sigh*

Re: What Hurts The Most

2006-05-29T14:03:00.000+08:00

I'm BACK

2006-05-12T01:20:00.000+08:00

Omg it's been so long since I last entered here. Feels weird. I don't know what to blog about either. Definitely not about NS stuff cuz i dread it. 3 more weeks and I'm through! Hope I'll do well for the auditions for MDC =/ Congrats Benny for being selected for SAF band auditions, good luck yeah?

Suddenly I feel as if I'm disconnected from the world. I feel weird whenever I go out. But staying at home isn't good either. Gosh. Ah.

Wanna enjoy myself everytime I bookout. But I don't.

Oh wells. I'll leave it at here. Nightzz

pOOf

2006-04-21T00:50:00.000+08:00

Well guys, I'm gonna leave soon. =( Sigh gonna miss a number of people. Dunno what to blog also. People whom you want them to care bout you doesn't care, people who you least expect them to care bout you cares. Irony. But it's life, only thing to do is to look forward and concentrate on what you have and not on what you don't have.
BAH why do I feel so neutral when actually there's so many thousand emotions inside me that's churning non-stop. Fuk. Maybe I should go to bed and sleep, well that's what everyone would say. Argh as if I don't know -_- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay, I'll leave it at here. Just make sure you guys go listen to Rascal Flatts' WHat Hurts The Most and watch the vid too! =) See you guys soon (on Labour Day I hope) ciao!

What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts

2006-04-20T12:55:00.000+08:00

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

Last song of the day before I say farewell to friends and say hello to hell =\ 'What Hurts The Most' by Rascal Flatts. Gotaa love the vid and song. I cried when I heard this song =( Go watch the vid at http://youtube.com/watch?v=z5-4neazZBc&search=rascal%20flatts

Anyways, this will be my last post as well, unless I come on much later on tonight if I can't sleep, haha but I need sleep! Don't wanna fall asleep over there when the officers or whoever are talking haha.

Went clubbing last night haha with Gladys and Cass! It was quite screwed up at first cuz it was kinda impromptu. I was wearing berms and Cass forgot to bring her IC!! In the end, after much hassle, we went in MOS at 1am. LOL after that we wanted to put our stuff in the lockers or something, but we freakin waited for half an hour, the staff said that they were doing some housekeeping. MY ASS. Argh made us wait for nothing, they were just tryin to create space and that only took like 15mins cuz when we looked in, there were obviously space but they were just walkin around, pretending to shift some stuff here and there for fuk damnit. lol but anyways we went to the hmm..dont know what section you call that but they played hiphop/r&b songs there which were damn cool!! It was damnnn crowded, one thing cuz it's ladys' night haha. SO mannnyyy girls can!! LOL We left the place at around 3.30am and it felt like heaven. Was kinda sick sniffing in all the smoke. And I went there without having dinner, in the end had gastric cuz i drank some vodka lime as well on empty stomach lol =x oh wells it was F U N!

Okays that's all for now. Gonna meet Joy soon! Yeah hope I can enjoy the rest of my day in peace yeah. GOtta run now, till then, please do miss me muahahaha muacks!

No Promises - Shayne Ward

2006-04-18T17:13:00.000+08:00

Hey baby when we are together
Doing things that we love
Every time you're near i feel like im in heaven
Feeling high
I dont want to let go girl
I just need you to know girl

I dont wanna run away
Baby, you're the one I need tonight
No promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight
I just wanna die in your arms
Here tonight

Hey baby when we are together
Doing things that we love
Every time you're near I feel like im in heaven
Feeling high
I dont want to let go girl
I just need you to know girl

I dont wanna run away
Baby, you're the one I need tonight
No promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight
I just wanna die in your arms

I dont want to run away
Wanna stay forever, eternity
No promises

I dont wanna run away
I dont wanna be alone
No promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight
Now and forever my love
No promises

I dont wanna run away
Baby, you're the one I need tonight
No promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight
I just want to die in your arms,(here tonight)
I don't wanna run away
Baby, you're the one I need tonight
No promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight
I just wanna die in your arms
Here tonight

Yeah, the anticipated album of Shayne Ward is out! And this is his second single 'No Promises' which is like better than the first single and it's sooooooo nice. *ahh seriously fallin in love with his voice* I've seen the MTV and the last part is quite sad =(

So, let's see: 2 more days for me. Should I be glad or sad? heh. I also dunno what to feel now. Especially all that I've been through. I feel quite numb now.

I feel childish too. I just deleted everything which I had already typed just few secs ago. Don't ask me why but I just did it. I can't believe I'm that sui2 bian4 to do that. The things that I typed are only meant for one person to see, but then again I thought it'd be damn childish and umm immature for me to do that. So I deleted it. And that doesn't mean I'm still not pissed. I'm just letting it go like that. You know like how people say: "Suan4 le3, its okay, nvm" kinda thing in a friendly tone. Like how many can you find who are like that? RARELY.

Anyways (reverts to old crazy self), I wanna say something again! I LOVE SHAYNE WARD!!!!! AHHHHH omg I so wanna get his album!! Hehe.

Oh and I went out with Celestina, Eunice and Harris yesterday for dinner =) I love you guys, I'll always remember the times we had in school, seriously, there's nothing more I can wish for =) We took neoprints too haha! And Harris said I look like a Jap boy!! HAHAHAHA *blushes* and I was lookin at the neoprints yesterday. And guess whattt, if I'm the Jap boy, then there are 4 races in the picture! hahaha Eunice is chinese, Celestina is Indian, Harris is Malay and I'm Jap!!! AHAHAHA and we are called C.H.E.X! well guess you guys can figure that out hahah and thanks celestina for ur jokes! Damn funny can!! I shall not say it out now in case you get into trouble ahaha.

Well have nothing much to update for now. Have work later tonight, so I'll drop by online to see see and write my report at the same time =D till then i'm goneeee *poof*

Fragile

2006-04-16T00:16:00.000+08:00

Fragile mind and soul
Let me be whole
But I can't let go
Tell me why so
Can't break away
What can I say
It's just another day
The price I gotta pay
Broke my heart
With so many darts
Falling apart
No one to pick me up
However hard i try
People just don't buy
That makes me cry
Until I'm dry
So now I can only sit and wait
For myself to get a date
Leave it all to fate
Please don't let it be too late

Cuz I'm gonna be dead.

Great dinner!

2006-04-15T00:45:00.001+08:00

Had a very nice evening with my colleagues, we went to Genki Sushi (my third time for this week =/) to eat again! LOL and we sort of got acquainted with the Auntie there (Lynn prefers to call her Xiao Jie (Miss)), but she's not that young ma so we cannot lie!! ahahaa We spent 70+ bucks and we all thought it was quite cheap, considering there were 5 of us and we ate almost 30 plus plates ahaha thanks to the Auntie's 10% discount! We were laughing bout so mannny things damn I am really gonna miss them =( sigh. Time flies. Still remember the first time in Jan. And now its April. DAMN. Lol but i'm really glad i met these friends cuz they are always the one who cheer me up at the end of the day since i always work evening shifts haha. But anyways after the sushi, we went to have ice cream!! YUMMY. And that isn't all. I still bought a pizza and chocolates o_0 imagine how much weight i'm gonna put on.

Ok i copied this from my colleague about her weird encounter (DAMN FUNNY TO ME).

woman: hey, you...can gimme ur number

me:huh?

woman:i'm doing insurance. want to sell u.

(ya lazy to type who is talking, u can figure out la)

erm....i'm still a student..dun intend to get insured yet.

then your parents?

my parents buy liao

then your sister?

my sister also buy liao

then brother? got brother?

(by this time , i felt that she was doing population check)

my brother in ns la.

(jus as i thought she has nothing to say...she asked something i nv thought she wun)

then ur neighbour?

well, not familar with them...(y wun my neighbour tell me that?)

(jus as she realise i am not her key to new clients,she tried to asked abt my work)

u part-time ar

ya part-time

what u doing here?

promoting the wireless service provided on board

what is it about?

(so i begin to explain to her. and our explanation was told to be super short cos ppl rushing to board...but this woman is simply to free)

huh, like that only ar

ya

so how i use it?

u need to have a wireless device on ur laptop or palm top.

but i dun have laptop

erm u need to have one

but i dun have mean i cannot use

( at this pt, i wondered y i bother talking to her?the ans is of cos, u dumb woman)

ya

ok lo...(then before she left she gave me this snubbing face)

remarks: prudential jus lost a potential client, nv will i buy insurance fr them after i grad...told ch this story, her reply was best...she told me i should asked her whether she knows her neighbours' bra size haha...but to let ch know, my neighbours are three guys...so i will nv know the ans.

OMGOMGOMG I LOVE LYNN'S REPLY. Ask bout bra size -_- damn stupid la that woman =
But anyways I wanna use this chance to thank the 'old birds' (colleagues) of Connexion By Boeing.

Lynn: Heyys girl! We sure have lots in common and one of them is laughing loudly!! Hahaa we are damn noisy today la =x hehe Still remember ur the first partner i worked with and u were late!! =x bad example ahahahah well will really miss talkin to you and sharing some probs and stuff. In future, wheni have probs or what dont turn me away k!! hehe =D u are a great person to hang out with. =) love working with you love ya!!

Sarah: HEy ah liannn ahhaa just kidding hope i didnt scare you too badly just now. Was feeling playful hoho =P well i wont ever get bored working with you cuz u are sooo lame sometimes =S Be more positive everytime yeah? Love ya!! keep making ppl smile =D be less talktative hahaah just kiddin =x

Celine: Bonjour!! Haha though i havent really worked with you for long but ur a great person to work with!! And i really really love ur positive attitude and also umm ur straightforwardness ahahaha oh and thanks for intro-ing me the spicy salmon, damnnn its sooooo nice!! Next time have salmon buffet must ask me along too!! Love ya!!

Benjy: Hello dude =) I've worked with you for quite some time ahah ur quite funny too sometimes =x but the most memorable one is the Frankfurt flight where you asked me to learn french ahah and use it on the spot. Vous Avez Un Ordinateur portatif Sans Fil =) hahaa i can memorise already hehe thanks for the guidance!

Sengsiong: OOps you went in already so dont know if you have the chance to read this ahaha. But hey hope ur fine inside. The slackin times with you sure makes work easier ahhaha ;) really hope to see you soon yeah? maybe i'll see ya inside hahaa

Xuefang: hey girl! Ur quite quiet leh ahaha but ur funny too =D hahah will miss the times when we work together too! and thanks for the info on Universities and stuff. =) appreciate it! Love ya!!

Andrea: Ahh andrea, =) nice working with you. In the past we'd always exchange shifts but we didnt really have the chance to work together. Only got to work more towards the end. But hey, i should be grateful for that cuz ur another cool and fun colleague =D Love ya!!

Zhizong: hey zhizong the blur sotong!! U always never fail to surprise me and of cuz lie to me -_- hahahah ur so good at bluffing ppl can!! hahah well hope ur doin fine in MJC my junior!! haha and, pls go for that girl if you want her =P cheers man!! Any probs can come to me =D Will be more than willing to help!

Aaron: Yo yo dude! Man ur one enthusiastic person! love ur personality and dont stop humouring others! thats ur forte! hahaha ur very cool with work with =) well i think maybe we'll have a chance to work again in future? cuz i always exchange the shift away which i was working with you but i really dont know ur workin with me yeah =x dont mean to!! =x Cheers dude!

Shuzhen: Ah last but not least. hahha damn the first day u worked with me you thought i was a girl because of my name! omgggg ahahaha but its ok i forgive you =P ur one great person. always looking at SIA girls and commenting on them hahahaah but ur pretty also la =D hehe well hope you'll do great in ur other job yeah? and since we live so close to each other, do keep in touch yeah? Love ya!!

To all: heys all, thanks for the moments together. I really really love you guys. I'm gonna miss you guys so much. PLS do keep in touch yeah? Forget me not!!

haha gosh so cliche lolol *sobs* i can't bear to leave them. oh wells haha still have work later, better go sleep and not be late or else sarah will nag at me -_- haha nights =)

In The Still Night

2006-04-12T01:24:00.000+08:00

In the still of the night
Is where thoughts run loose
Emotions become uncontrolled
As minutes cruise by
I'm sitting down here
Listening to my mp3s
Thinking if there's a chance
For me to find that special someone
Or should I just give up hope
And hop on the fast-paced life

Now, I understand why infatuation occurs! Anyways, that above ain't lyrics =) When you're feeling insecure, and this other person's whole package isn't that bad, you'd wish that the person would/can provide you with the security you wished for. And so you start to develop hope/feelings for that person and there starts the infatuation. I thought the explanation is great =/ I mean it so totally describes what I'm feeling. Sooo thank you my Godsista Joy for that =D At least now I know why I feel this way. Insecurity. Emptiness. Loneliness.

Ben Moody feat. Anastacia - Everything Burns
[ANASTACIA]
She sits in her corner
Singing herself to sleep
Wrapped in all of the promises
That no one seems to keep
She no longer cries to herself
No tears left to wash away
Just diaries of empty pages
Feelings gone a stray
But she will sing

[CHORUS: Ben Moody / Anastacia]
'Till everything burns
While everyone screams
Burning their lies
Burning my dreams
All of this hate
And all of this pain
I'll burn it all down
As my anger reigns
'Till everything burns

[ANASTACIA]
Ooh, oh

[BEN MOODY]
Walking through life unnoticed
Knowing that no one cares
Too consumed in their masquerade
No one sees her there
And still she sings

[CHORUS: Ben Moody / Anastacia]
'Till everything burns
While everyone screams
Burning their lies
Burning my dreams
All of this hate
And all of this pain
I'll burn it all down
As my anger reigns

[BEN MOODY / ANASTACIA]
'Till everything burns
Everything burns
(Everything burns)
Everything burns
Watching it all fade away
(All fade away)
Everyone screams
Everyone screams..
(Watching it all fade away)
Oooh, ooh..
(While everyone screams)
Burning down lies
Burning my dreams
(All of this hate)
And all of this pain
I'll burn it all down
As my anger reigns
Til everything burns
(Everything burns)
Watching it all fade away
(Oooh, ooh)
(Everything burns)
Watching it all fade away...

Love this song. It rawks. But I don't. Blegh. Going to bed now. Nights.

Funny how things. . .

2006-04-10T02:12:00.000+08:00

It's kinda funny how things change real quick in just ONE day. It may change for the better. It may change for the worse. For me, it's the latter. Though I usually get these kinda things thrown at me, this 'IT' simply broke my limit and down i went emotionally. *shrugs* well guess that's life.

Song-less

2006-04-07T23:55:00.000+08:00

Sing to me the song of despair
The song which everyone shudders at the thought of it
But who can truly sing it well
Only a few understand what it means

Why is it so unfair to some people
People who deserve to live die
And vice versa
It is such an irony

Sing to me the song of 'all hopes lost'
The song which everyone shudders at the thought of it
But who can truly sing it well
When not many have tasted the true meaning of it

Why is it so unfair to some people
That they can't get their love back
When they've given everything
Including their lives.

------------------------------------------------------------

I hate to be in the same phase again and again
Or is it just me
But I really can't help it
Has the last relationship had such an impact on me
That it clouded my mind
I don't mean to turn people off
Just that I need a little attention sometimes
Give me strength to think coherently again
But till then, I'm completely. . . smashed
Heavy word to use, but it is the true fact
As all the problems which I tucked inside my heart
are not really solved
It'll soon surface up again
Not that I never try
But I'm always smiling and laughing
If that's not effort, then what is
I can just be depressed and die
But I'm scared of dying
The sight of blood
The view from the top of a 20-storey building
I'm a coward
I run away from problems
I am just so tired
I wanna stop searching
But I just can't
As I'm not searched at all
Tears
Not flowing from eyes
But flowing from within the heart
That is the most painful thing
But only a few know how it is like
I just can't stop thinking
I need attention
Lots of them
But who would be that dumb
To gimme all that
I can say the only dumb person
Would be me
I'd give everything up
for a person
But it is just one sided
most of the times
I've no wish to be in any kinda relationships
anymore
But as I'm typing
Deep inside me
There's a part of me which still wanna try
And it usually gets the better of me
And I allow myself to sink in infatuations
Which I later suffer
When it is only for a few days
New person with considerable character
Few days together will make me sink in
Like what the hell am I thinking
I'm just too affectionate and passionate
I don't deserve to be loved
I'm just playing this foolish game myself
Which has no ending
------------------------------------------------------------

Whoever manages to break through my barrier
Whoever manages to bring light to my dark room
You know you'll be much appreciated and loved
But I just hope it won't be too strong
that pushes that 'whoever' away
I'll always be waiting for that day
Waiting for the One.

Geek In The Pink - Jason Mraz

2006-04-06T14:31:00.000+08:00

well let the geek in the pink take a stab at it
if you like the way I'm thinkin' baby wink at it
i may be skinny at times but I'm fat full 'a rhymes
pass me the mic and I'm a grab at it a
isn't it delicious crazy way that i'm kissin'
cause baby listen to this don't wanna miss it while it's hittin'
sometimes you gotta fit in to get in
but don't ever quit cuz soon i'm gonna let you in but see

i don't care what you might think about me
you can vibe without me if you want
i could be the one to take you home
baby I could rock the night alone
if we never get down it wouldn't be a let down
but sugar don't forget what you already know
i could be the one to turn you out
we could be the talk across the town
don't judge me by the color, confuse it for another
you might regret what you let slip away

i'm the geek in the pink pink pink
i'm the geek in the pink yeah

well this relationship fodder don't mean to bother nobody
but cupid's automatic musta fired multiple shots at her
because she fall in love too often that's what the matter
at least I talk about it keep a pattern of flattery and a
she was staring through the doorframe
eyeing me down like already a bad boyfriend
well she can get her toys outta the drawer then
cause i ain't comin' home, i don't need that attention, see

i don't care what you might think about me
you'll get by without me if you want
i could be the one to take you home
baby we could rock the night alone
if we never get down it shouldn't be the let down
but sugar don't forget what you already know
i could be the one to turn you out
you could be the talk across the town
don't judge it by the color, confuse it for another
you might regret what you let slip away

i am more than you're thinking
hey look at me go
from hero to zero
oh take it from a geek like me
i can save you from unoriginal dum-dums
who wouldn't care if you com...plete him or not

so what I've got a short attention span
a coke in my hand
because i'd rather have the afternoon, relax and understand
Mm hip hop and flip flops it don't stop with the light rock
a shot to mock you kinda puts me in the tight spot
the hype is nothing more than hoo-hah so i'm
developing a language and i'm calling it my own
so take a peek into the speaker and you'll see what i mean
that on the other side the grass is greener

i don't care what you might think about me
you'll get by without me if you want
i could be the one to take you home
baby we could rock the night alone
if we never get down it wouldn't be the let down
but sugar don't forget what you already know
i could be the one to turn you out
we could be the talk across the town
don't judge it by the color, confuse it for another
you might regret what you let slip away

i'm the geek in the pink pink pink
i'm the geek in the pink yeah
i'm the geek in the pink
all y'all it's the new color for fall

OMG this is such a cool song!!! I'm so gonna learn how to sing this although it's kinda little difficult for me, not really my genre. BUT IT RAWKS. hahaha and the MTV is sooo cute. Erh I've nothing to blog about. HAHA but I'm considerably happy. Another phase for me oh no. =/ (PS: there are some mistakes in the lyrics which I'm lazy to correct it now ahaha)